Joy Smithson

Kelli Karst may not have a closet full of 27 dresses, the theme of a recent hit film, but she’s had plenty of experience as a bridesmaid.

The McDonald, Tenn., resident has attended seven of her friends to the altar and been a wedding coordinator.

“There is usually drama,” she said, citing unforeseen issues ranging from pugnacious mothers-in-law to buggy outdoor fetes. And this is without having to deal with overly demanding Bridezillas.

“I’ve been very, very lucky in that sense,” Ms. McDonald said.

Deep in the throes of wedding season, when the taffeta hangs heavier than the humidity in August, planning for the big day can lead to big drama and big dents in pocketbooks. And that’s especially true for bridesmaids.

When experts weighed in on how to best navigate the bridesmaids’ burden, it became clear that disaster can be, if not avoided, at least lessened by remembering three C-words: communication, consideration and compromise.

“Discuss the expectations up front,” said Michelle Preli, editor in chief of brides.com. “When a bride asks someone to be a bridesmaid, she should be very clear up front about her expectations of the responsibilities. Of course it’s a happy occasion and friends want to share in that, but not everyone has the time or money to devote to being in a bridal party and planning an event.”

Event planning often can include multiple showers, shopping trips, travel arrangements, last-minute panics and playing mediator between her cousin Tom and his sister Yvette, who just happen to nearly come to blows over the choice of “Unchained Melody” as a first dance song (he thinks it’s romantic, she thinks it’s swill).

All this, plus the potential for ugly, costly dresses may cause resentment to rise. Anja Winnkia, editor of The Knot, urges bridesmaids to stay magnanimous and understanding.

“This is not your special day; it’s your close friend’s,” she said. “This is a big day for her.”

Stress can overwhelm a bride, even the ones who seem to have it all together.

“Wedding planning can be stressful and overwhelming for the calmest of brides,” said Alisha Fox of Foxy Events in Chattanooga, “and having a bridesmaid who will be available to listen for hours is necessary as the bride discusses every last detail of the wedding or just wants to vent to someone.”

But inasmuch as anyone might want to stand by, and stand up for, a friend, being a bridesmaid isn’t just an honor title, it’s a financial obligation. And speaking up too late might cost more than money; it could cost a friendship.

“If you don’t foresee your financial situation bettering, give the bride ample time to find a replacement,” said Gretchen Viles of mywedding.com.

Chattanooga native Joy Smithson has taken part in four weddings and advises bridesmaids to do what they can to pitch in, whether it’s accompanying the bride on shopping trips or putting in last-minute calls to a caterer. Giving the gift of time can even be a better present than the kind that comes in a beribboned box and costs a decent portion of a paycheck.

There are some simple ways to cut costs, such as planning a shower and bachelorette party on the same weekend in order to eliminate the need to travel twice. Sharing the cost of a large-ticket item can also ease the burden on a bridesmaid’s wallet.

For the brides, wedding veteran Ms. Karst advises remembering why honor attendants were chosen in the first place — and it’s not because their eyes match the flowers (hopefully).

“Care more about the people who are there instead of the details,” she said. “Go cheaper on details so you can help with the cost of shoes, dress or travel to make being a maid a honor or bridesmaid an honor than a burden.”

Attendant attire is one area in which a bride might consider compromising. First, putting bridesmaids in ugly gowns is not going to keep more eyes on the bride, it’s just going to keep people talking about how awful the bridesmaids’ gowns are. And two, absolutely no one is going to shorten and re-wear a peach sherbet-colored hoop skirt. Ever.

Ms. Karst said she’s spent up to $400 on a friend’s wedding, has yet to have to travel for any events (extra cost) and has never worn any of her bridesmaid dresses again. None have been hideous, she said, but at least one has been, well, painful.

“Probably the most uncomfortable dress would be the one with the corset in it. It took time to get in it.”

Consider looking at reasonably-priced, off-the-rack dresses that actually can be worn again. Or choose a color and let each lady pick her own gown within certain constraints.

“Be mindful of how much your bridesmaids are going to be spending,” said Ms. Winnika. “Try to treat them whenever possible. If they pay for dresses, try to cover (the cost of) hair and makeup.”

Ms. Preli suggests foregoing the idea of perfectly matched shoes in favor of allowing bridesmaids to wear shoes they already own.

Most brides are going to be aware of whether they’re going off the deep end, and will try to avoid doing so.

“I think a lot of brides are afraid of the word Bridezilla now and are very conscientious,” said Ms. Winnika. “If you think you’re requesting something that’s a little out there, call yourself out on it.”

As a revitalizing tactic, she recommends the mini-moon, a pre-wedding romantic weekend getaway, free of planning, for the bride and groom (and the other members of the wedding party) to relax and rejuvenate.

Relaxing can be a key to wedding planning in general. Besides the three C’s, remember the F-word: fun.

“Make it fun, not stressful,” said Ms. Smithson, who shared that she’s taken part in some wedding planning discussions over drinks during nights out with friends, including any of the brides she’s stood up for.

Of course, stress can always be eliminated by following Ms. Karst’s solution for easygoing nuptials. Her advice? “Elope. I say that jokingly. The idea of eloping has frequently crossed my mind.”

She speaks in jest, at least partially, but the ability to joke in the midst of wedding planning can be vital.

It’s always good to keep a sense of humor for any issues that come up between brides and bridesmaids, said Ms. Preli. “This will likely be a transition time in your friendship with changing relationships once you’re married. Try to enjoy the crazy and fun moments during this time. They will make for some great reminiscences later in life.”