Casey Phillips: I honestly don’t understand the point of writing reviews for a cultural phenomenon like “Twilight.” Given all the fanatic teeny boppers showering the lead actor (Robert Pattinson) and actress (Kristen Stewart) with love during pre-release appearances, it’s clear that the movie’s going to pack theaters and make gobs of money, no matter what we say.

Even if accurate, a negative review would be like choke slamming Harry Potter. It won’t go over well. Never mind that the dialogue was painfully awkward, and the story was basically Anne Rice meets “Pretty in Pink.” The film’s vistas of the Pacific Northwest, like its heart throb leads, were really beautiful, but what special effects there were looked low-budget and cobbled together. I’m getting winded here ... Holly?

Holly Leber: To be fair, Casey and I are not exactly the intended demographic. “Twilight” is the kind of movie I would have loved 15 years ago and he might have enjoyed minus one Y chromosome. But speaking from the perspective I have now, the word that comes to mind about the “Twilight” plot is “unhealthy.”

Indeed a cultural phenomenon (articles have been written describing legions of teenage fans begging young Pattison to bite their necks), “Twilight” is, in essence, “Romeo and Juliet” with vampires. A lonely teenage girl meets lonely teenage (kind of) boy. Days later, she has decided that she loves him with a love that is more than a love, and she is eager and willing to give her life for him. This is not a message that should be sent to young girls.

Casey: That’s true, my gender/age was a bit of a barrier to really enjoying “Twilight,” and in the spirit of full disclosure, it should be noted that neither of us have read the novels by Stephenie Meyers, so we can’t speak to the accuracy of the adaptation. Judging by all the sniggering and “awwing” coming from the audience (a huge pet peeve of mine), however, they must have hit most of the high notes.

Unfamiliarity with the source material is likely to cause some audiences a bit of discomfort, not because the plot isn’t well delineated, it is, but because so many people have read the novels. Nothing reaches that special level of annoyance for me quite like someone making comments at the screen during a movie, with the notable exception of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” If you feel the same, wait a couple weeks for all the super fans to get their fill, or you’ll probably feel, like I did, that you’re sitting through a two-hour inside joke.

Holly: I’d love to see how Crow Robot and Tom Servo would respond to “Twilight.” I agree with Casey that the peanut gallery was quite grating. Particular hats off to the audience member who yelled out “just kiss her!” during one scene.

While Pattison and Stewart do have a nice, youthful chemistry (though not an eternal love, I-would-die-for-you chemistry) between them, the romantic dialogue is utterly painful for anyone old enough to vote. Yes, teenage girls will swoon at exchanges like: “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.”/ “What a stupid lamb.”/ “What a sick, masochistic lion.” However, such sucralose sentiment can’t mask the fact that the story is underdeveloped and ultimately thin.

The “Twilight” series has been compared to the “Harry Potter” series. The main difference is that J.K. Rowling created an entire world within Hogwart’s. We know it’s fantasy. It doesn’t pretend to be anything else. “Twilight” drops a vampire family in the middle of the Pacific Northwest, and the female (human) protagonist barely blinks an eye to learn her drop-dead gorgeous paramour is, in fact, undead. Trying to pass the premise off as just slightly left of normal gives the plot less credibility.

Casey: As an adult, I expect more depth to movies than this. It’s no longer enough to have pretty faces and hope no one notices none of them are saying much of substance. Not that any of this matters since “Twilight,” to paraphrase one character, is like a “personal brand of heroin” for teenage girls who don’t care about anything but what clothes Pattinson is wearing and how to get them off.

Holly: A movie adaptation of the first sequel is already in the works, so suffice it to say that the “Twilight” train is moving full speed ahead. I just hope there’s another film in need of a review the week it comes out. “Twilight” hits its target audience like a stake through the heart, but let’s just say it didn’t suck our blood.

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