Q: My husband and I argue about handling money. I write the checks for bills, etc. but our account doesn’t always balance when he also writes checks. So I prefer to handle the whole account by myself. Any suggestions for a happier marriage? — Caroline Banker
A: Dear Caroline — Unfortunately, one of you must agree to be the family’s chief financial officer.
Studies show that money issues are a huge part of whether a marriage is successful, plus most of us have heard that famous quote all our lives: “Money is the root of all evil.”
As you and Hubby discovered, when both write checks from a single account, sometimes an amount isn’t entered into the register which can make ya’ll think you’ve more money than is actually the case. Talk about arguing when you splurge with that “found” money…
While I’m no marriage counselor or financial wizard, perhaps I — and some experts — can offer a bit of advice for a more contented (financial) future.
* Consider different accounts for household expenses. A good friend and her husband swear by this approach. They pretty much know all incoming monthly expenses so, from each person’s paycheck, they deposit this amount in a “household” account strictly to pay bills. She’s actually the bill payer (and set up an online system). Other deductions come from “his personal” and/or “her personal” accounts. Whether for dining out, gifts, a daily latte, other-than-household grocery shopping, or any other expense, each person spends only from his or her individual account.
My friends take this method a step further: they split eating out or having guests over to dine right down the middle. While I may not agree with such a strict practice, over the years they’ve saved enough to recently make a substantial down payment on their own house.
* Keep no secrets. Yeah, yeah, everyone needs some privacy in a marriage or partnership. However, HIPAA practices don’t overtake good ole common sense.
That $500 Uncle Harry sent shouldn’t be hidden from your mate because you buy some new outfits; nor should the new golf club that cost several weeks’ worth of grocery money be concealed. While secrets like these aren’t as awful as having a “friend” on the sly, keeping zipped lips about money matters may be thought of as financial infidelity.
* Limit purchase prices. Again, while one spouse’s task may be CFO, each partner must agree on large purchases. In other words, don’t go out and buy a sofa without consulting the other party. Discuss a ceiling price on expenditures and under no circumstances buy an item over that sum without first conferring with — and agreeing to — the acquisition.
* Seek outside help if you still can’t agree on money concerns. Some marriages literally are saved when financial conflict runs so deep that a couple seeks counseling. Compromises and objective discussions, often with the assistance of a third party, can lead to mutual (financial) respect and a more successful system — and marriage.
new tenant rule
The Protecting Tenants at Foreclosure Act of 2009 became law on May 20 with President Obama’s signature. Renters now must be allowed to remain in their homes for the duration of their lease — even if the bank plans to foreclose!
The law provides renters with a minimum of 90 days notice before a tenant must vacate a property. If a buyer plans to use the property as his primary residence, the tenant's lease is month to month, or there is no lease at all, the renter is entitled to at least 90 days notice.
If there is a lease, however, residents will be allowed to stay for the duration of the lease before evictions can proceed. If a state offers greater protections to renters, the new law allows whichever stronger protection to apply. These new renters’ rights also apply to Section 8 tenants.
Ellen Phillips is a retired English teacher who has written two consumer-oriented books. Her Consumer Watch column appears on Saturdays in the Business section of the paper. An expanded version is at www.timesfreepress.com under Local Business. E-mail her at consumerwatch@timesfreepress.com
