published Friday, September 23rd, 2011

5 at 10: Fanhood, SEC matchups and the Top 10 funniest things in sports

Friday means high school football jerseys at school and mailbag at the 5-at-10. And gang, feel free to answer any of these questions in the comments Let's get it on.

From the "Drunken Moose Studios," here we go...

From CelticVol

  • photo
    Tennessee running back Reggie Cobb, 34, and tight end John Rollins celebrate. (AP Photo)

Mr. 5@10,
I’d like to take a trip down memory lane this week. We all know that you’re a big college football fan. I think we all know that you’re a big Auburn fan. I was just wondering if there was a point in your life, maybe when you were a little kid, that you realized, that Hey, Auburn is MY team. For me, as a Vols fan, it was my first trip to Neyland Stadium in October 1987 to watch the Vols play Ole Miss. It was just me and my dad. I was 6 years old and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the hairs on the back of my neck standing up as the Pride of the Southland Marching Band walked into the stadium playing Rocky Top. I remember the Sea of Orange. I remember the Vol Walk. I remember Jeff Francis and Reggie Cobb. What special memories do you have of your first college game day experience?


OK, while this would seem to the obvious choice for the weekly honor of "Question we spent entirely too much time on" question, we have to say we had two this week. So this is the Co-winner of "Question we spent entirely too much time on" question honors. So here we go.

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    Auburn's Bo Jackson (34) dives over Alabama's Robbie Jones (97) for six points in the 4th quarter of Saturday, Nov. 29, 1982 of SEC game in Birmingham to give the Tigers a one point win over the Tide. It was the first time in 9 years that Alabama has lost the interstate championship. The Score was 23-22. (AP Photo)

Our Auburn football moment was Bo Jackson going over the top against Alabama in 1982. The 5-at-10 was 12, and a lot of friends (including our next-door neighbor) were Alabama fans, so we were rooting for the other team because that's what 12-year-olds do. Then Bo wins it by going over the top, and growing up in Georgia, Bo let us cheer against Alabama and against Herschel and UGA. It was such a moment.

But let us give you a little more background. The first team the 5-at-10 supported was the Dodgers, mainly because their uniforms were cool. The first team we pulled for in person was the Atlanta Falcons in the late 1970s, and our favorite player was William Andrews. Now, tie those together: we loved good looking uniforms and Auburn's are classic and awesome; and Williams Andrews played at Auburn, so we started looking at Auburn as an option to being the anti-UGA and the anti-Alabama. Then, when Bo went over the top, we were spent. (But C-Vol, that said, the 1985 Tennessee team had a special place in our heart, too.)

As for our earliest sports memories:

We were at the game when Hank Aaron hit No. 715, but the 5-at-10 was 3 so we were asleep and don't remember much.

We were at countless Braves, Hawks and Flames games, but none stick out (other than the 5-at-10's dad catching a puck at a Flames game). Our first college football memory was going to Grant Field to watch a bad Georgia Tech team tie Notre Dame 3-3 in 1980 to ironically set the stage for Georgia's run to the national title. Our most prominent Auburn memory will always be the our freshman year at Auburn in 1989 when Alabama made its first visit to Jordan-Hare Stadium. Alabama came to Auburn 10-0 and ranked No. 2 in the country and left with a 30-20 loss. Good times indeed.

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    South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier looks on as quarterbacks Stephen Garcia calls to others as they organized for a group photo during media day Sunday, Aug. 9, 2009, at Williams-Brice Stadium in Columbia, S.C. (AP Photo/Mary Ann Chastain)

From eljefe

Cinque a dieci,

What is the current top 10 funniest things in sports?

 Yes. I like lists. If you don't have a list you ain't getting nothing done, son!

 Mine are in no particular order: 

Eli Manning's Helmet; Joe Maddon's (Rays) eyeware; Rex Ryan's "swagger;" Tom Coughlin's constantly constipated expression; Brian Wilson's beard; Dabo Swinney (Yes. I am still bitter. Thank you so much for asking); That anybody thinks Tony Romo is talented; Barrett Trotter's cheese 'stache; I actually have as a tie: The expressions Spurrier makes every time Garcia fouls something up and the pre-game signs on Gameday. Thoughts?


This is the other co-winner of "Question we spent entirely too much time on" question. We'll say this, we'd enjoy everyone's response on either of these first two questions. Giddy-up.

"The 5 at 10 needs to act more like dogs"

Here's our top 10:

10) Kickers trying to make an open-field tackle

9) Classic postgame or postpractice interviews — "Playoffs," "They are who we thought they were," "I'm a man, I'm 40!" "We need more DAWGS!" — they're all gold.

8) This is fringe sports but sports nonetheless. The segments of "America's Funniest Home Videos" when the little kids hit line drives that hit adults in the "sensitive region." You know it's coming, the 5-at-10 knows it's coming and it's still funny.

7) Peyton Manning looking around at his teammates wondering why they don't understand Mandarin Football as easily as he does. And when Football Rainman — can't you see Manning on the sideline swaying and mumbling in a Raymond Babbitt monotone, "Hot Blitzes Burn Baby," and "Definitely, 246 passing yards, 246 yards," — he starts making hand gestures, well, that's off the charts.

6) Good hecklers that respect the game and the language and the role of good heckling

Joe Kines' defensive strategy against the 5 at 10

5) Joe Namath and Suzy Kobler — enough said (This includes every awkward sideline interview highlighted by Joe Kines' screaming "We gotta stop that inside trap.")

4) John Daly — Be it his pants, his gut or his Winston dangling from his pie hole as he's putting, dude is COMEDY GOLD

3) When fat guys score touchdowns, because then you get to watch fat guys celebrate

2) People who think soccer will actually become a popular sport in America

1) Les Miles — Period, end of discussion

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    Alabama coach Nick Saban, right, leads the team onto the field for an NCAA college football game against Kent State, Saturday, Sept. 3, 2011 in Tuscaloosa, Ala. (AP Photo/Butch Dill)

From Eustice Chase.


It's been a while since i've dropped by the ranch. Is the 5@10 still producing a steady stream of online intube income? Thought so! Awesome!

We have a big time SEC slobberknocker on our hands this weekend. Does Alabama roll on to meet LSU in November undefeated? Or do the Hogs and former Atlana Falcon head Coach hold up Crimson nation?


Great to hear from you as always and feel free to drop us a line any time. And did you see the MMA story on D3 of your Times Free Press this morning?

As for our extra online intube income, well, we're trying to give you the most for your subscription dollar (which starts with a $0 investment with monthly payments of $0). And we're taking that extra coin and investing with a young up-and-coming inventor named Navin R. Johnson and his "Opti-Grab." We have a our fingers crossed.

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    Arkansas players run onto the field led by offensive linemen Alvin Bailey (67), Travis Swanson (64) and Grant Cook (72) before the start of an NCAA college football game against Troy in Fayetteville, Ark., Saturday, Sept. 17, 2011. (AP Photo/April L. Brown)

As for the Tide-Hogs, yes, we think this will be nothing more than a slight speed bump for Alabama. (Granted, we also thought Auburn was going to beat Clemson last week. So it goes.) We would have really liked to have watched this game if bruising Arkansas running back Knile Davis had not been injured in the preseason, because if you have to respect the run against a Bobby Petrino offense, look out. Dude can put up some video game numbers in a heart beat. (And yes, we're still a little bitter at Bobby for his midnight run out of the ATL, but dude can flat-out call plays.)

Petrino vs. Saban and Alabama's abundance of defensive talent — they could have as many as six first-rounders starting on defense (and yes we love the draft, you know this) — highlighted by cornerback Dre Kirkpatrick would have been awesome.

And yes, as long as the Tide doesn't fall in what has serious trap-game potential next week at the Swamp, the Tide and the LSU Tigers are on a collision course for some kind of football showdown. It'sstill six weeks off, but it's already got the feel of late-1980s Tyson fight (where you're a little too excited and you know there's going to be some serious violence) mixed with a conference title game in the NFL (because the stakes for the winner are so high) and an old-school western gun fight (because your not sure who's going to be left standing).

Can't you just picture Les Miles doing a Val Kilmer in "Tombstone" impression: "I'm your huckleberry."

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    Jay Greeson prepares to putt as Brenden Pappas holds the pin during the practice round of the 2007 Chattanooga Classic at Black Creek Golf Course Tuesday. Official play for the Chattanooga Classic will begin Thursday and end Sunday.
    Photo by Dan Henry /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

From BIspy4

Big off the tee,
First time listener, long time caller.
With the Tour Championship coming to East Lake — OK, it’s there already — that little place at Washington and Berckmann’s not part of the equation, what is your favorite course to have played, either once or regularly?
 Keep it in the fairway, now.


Quick top-5 here (yes, it’s the soon-to-be-patented 5-in-10 by the 5-at-10)

1) Augusta National — Yes, Spy, we know you excluded it, but C’MON MAN

2) The Honors — Amazing; dropped from Heaven and landed in Ooltewah

3) TPC Sawgrass — Played it once (and poorly); No. 17 was awesome

4) East Lake — Great course; great company

5) Signal Mountain Golf and Country Club — Our home course has special place in our heart

  • photo
    Baylor quarterback Matthew Oellerich, No. 11, passes to a teammate during Friday night's game.
    Photo by Jake Daniels /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

From Big Red

Who do you like in the Baylor-McCallie game? And thanks for the 5@10, I'm a fan.

Big Red,

Thanks for the kind words and come on back any time and join the conversation.

As for tonight's game, we picked Baylor in the TFP picks panel (which we're leading by the way) and we feel the Red Raiders have a lot of weapons and more size up front than any high school team in Tennessee. We expect a close game that could come down to a few plays. We expect a packed house — the game's already sold out, which is saying something in Chattanooga, which has always been a walk-up town.

And we are expecting to tweet from the sidelines tonight at Heywood Stadium, so feel free to follow along at our TFP Sports twitter feed.

Until Monday, and enjoy the weekend.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
dawg747 said...

5 @ 10. There were some great questions today. Growing up in South Georgia(Cordele & Thomasville)I was always a Dawg fan. What drew me to the Dawgs was when I was 7 or 8 I saw the Dawgs on TV and Kirby Moore was the quarterback ever since then the Dawgs have been my team.You mentioned Wiliam Andrews he was the best High School running back I ever saw in person (I saw him knee a guy trying to tackle him and knocked the guys helment off) and Herschel was the best I saw in college. But the best player ever was Stan Rome from Valdosta. He was a total athlete. Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your 5 @ 10 everyday.

September 23, 2011 at 10:21 a.m.
jgreeson said...

Dawg —

There were some GREAT questions today. One of those Fridays that makes it easy.

We loved, Loved, LOVED watching William Andrews run. Dude was so tough.

Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by.

— 5-at-10

September 23, 2011 at 11:16 a.m.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show McPell via the e-mail

Awesome post today. As a 3rd gen grad of AU, my defining moment was at conception. All kidding aside it was the Punt Bama Punt game, watching it with my grandad on his black & white TV in Birmingham. BTW, I have come to realize that Peyton "Rainman" Manning was not born, he was created in a super secret NFL lab under the Superdome. — McPell

September 23, 2011 at 11:17 a.m.
eljefe said...

Brother your top 10 killed, Jerry! Killed!!! How could I miss fat guys running for touchdowns? Sorry, man. I will not appeal the fine.

September 23, 2011 at 12:03 p.m.
jgreeson said...

McPell —

Thanks for the kind words and until we see a birth certificate we're on board with the Rain Manning Cyborg theory.

Eljefe (who was in Jordan-Hare Stadium on that December day in 1989 when Alabama came to Auburn for the first time) —

It was your question that got the ball rolling. Not unlike a C.Thomas Howell set in "Side Out" there is no spike without the perfect pass.

— 5-at-10

September 23, 2011 at 12:23 p.m.
chas9 said...

I saw Terry Bradshaw against UTC and Peyton's daddy against Kentucky. Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

September 23, 2011 at 12:35 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Bradshaw at Chamberlain Field would have been cool.

For our dollar, "The Jerk" is a super under-quoted comedy.

For the group, quick list — Steve Martin's top three comedies?

Here's our list:

1) "The Jerk"

2) "Parenthood" which is way funnier now that the 5-at-10 has two 5-at-tots

3) "Three Amigos"

— 5-at-10

September 23, 2011 at 2:42 p.m.
chas9 said...

1) The Jerk 2) Dirty Rotten Scoundrels 3) LA Story

Best cameo: Little Shop of Horrors. His sadistic dentist is in my nightmares.

September 23, 2011 at 3:06 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Well, 5er, at least you didn’t try to change your shoes in the parking lot at Augusta like someone I know (and yes, the both of you are in the same club, making par on No. 12). That being said, Jack, the bigger of the two black Labs, has gone missing.

And I remember Harry Oliver doinking a 22-yard chip shot field goal off the crossbar against the Wreck to keep it a 3-3 tie. Then Georgia beat a truly mediocre Irish team (Blair Kiel at quarterback that year. They’d a been better off with Blair from Facts of Life at quarterback and I’ll stop right there before we get into the whole Blair vs. Jo thing) when the two return guys turned and stared at each other while the kickoff landed at the 1 and Georgia recovered to set up a Herschel touchdown — and Georgia still only won 17-10 in the Bowl de Sucre.

Yes, the company at East Lake was sublime.

September 23, 2011 at 3:54 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Where's the love for "Bowfinger?"

September 23, 2011 at 5:34 p.m.
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