published Wednesday, August 15th, 2012

5-at-10: College coaching pirates, Tiger relaxes and an ace for the Braves

Folks, we're wicked behind, which is not to be confused with a wicked behind. And yes, we're operating on 3 hours of sleep, so giddy-up. Remember Friday's mailbag and that gambling's illegal at Bushwood and we never slice.

From the "Talks too much" studios, let's go.

Listify, brother

  • photo
    In this March 22, 2012, file photo, Washington State head coach Mike Leach watches drills during his first practice as coach of the Cougars in Pullman, Wash.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

We were fully prepared to go with a more distinguished and pertinent top five list heading into the college season. But then we realized, "Hey we're the 5-at-10, we need more pirates."

In honor of the return of Mike Leach to the college game, here are the top five pirates in college football:

1) Mike Leach, Washington State: And if you don't believe the Original Gangster pirate is still number one, ask yourself who else could have us talking about Washington State football in the middle of SEC country. Game, Set, Pirate.

2) Lane Kiffin, USC: Hey, we completely understand that every respectable UT fan loathes Kiffin. But dude is on the brink of some special stuff at USC. Side note: Most underrated attribute of a pirate has to be leadership — how else can you explain a crew of pirates listening to one guy, who more times than not is a tyrant. It's leadership of course, and Kiffin has something that unites and bonds a team and causes it to want to follow his lead. Arrrrggggg.

3) Rocky Long, San Diego State: Dude said earlier this week that he is considering going for it on every fourth down once the Aztecs get by the 50. Hey, Rocky, want to know who else uses that strategery? Every teenager playing Madden on the Xbox. Knock yourself out Rocky, but know that when it doesn't work, mutiny can be painful.

4) Steve Spurrier, South Carolina: One of the hallmarks of a great pirate is boss headwear. Spurrier has that in spades with his visor. Plus, dude has crafted a persona as great as his actual coaching abilities and that "legend" status screams pirate.

5) Les Miles, LSU: You knew our soft spot for the lovable Les would mean more. Here's a Les quote for you, and remember, if Captain Grass-Chewer is not pirate enough for you then we're just not sure what it means to have the want to be pirate enough on a daily basis. Hey, this list has been looming on the horizon for some time. Or as Les actually said last year, "We look forward to our future. It's something we're really pointed to." Les Miles in two words is Pi Rate.

Side note: Bobby Petrino so would have been on this list even without a job had he not gone on ESPN and started squalling like a school girl. Dude, suck it up. Everyone knows you world-class dropped the ball. You had a $2 million a year gig with supreme job security and you blew it. (Careful with the jokes here, 962.)

PGA rewind

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    Tiger Woods reacts to his tee shot on the ninth hole during the final round of the PGA Championship golf tournament on the Ocean Course of the Kiawah Island Golf Resort in Kiawah Island, S.C., Sunday, Aug. 12, 2012.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

We did not do the final major justice. Granted it's a major more in name only, but it still has the rank of an office and deserves the respect it is then entitled.

Upon further review, can we discuss the following quote from Tiger Woods after he failed to break par on the weekend of the major for the fourth time this year (and yes, Virginia, there are four majors in a given year): "(Saturday) I came out with the wrong attitude. I was too relaxed. I was trying to enjoy it. That's not how I play. You know how I play. I play intense. And it cost me."

OK, that's well and good, and at best that sounds like excuse making and worse for Tiger lovers across the dial it sounds like a dude that has the confidence of an acne-riddled high school freshman.

One of the key emotional attributes of athletic superstars in individual sports (and world-class, lock-down cornerbacks) is a bullet-proof arrogance that borders on irrational view of reality. It's one of the reasons that Tiger was allowed so much slack in his reign of terror. It's also why sprinters do everything but the Enrico Palazzo umpire strike dance from Naked Gun.

They have to believe nothing is their fault, or when bad things happen they will believe everything is their fault. It's how it works.

So now Tiger is talking about his attitude and how he's trying to enjoy the game? Uh, Tiger, you're the club-throwing, cuss-word-slinging course debacle that seems like you're doing everything this side of enjoying the game.

What's next? Is Tiger going to meltdown at Augusta and say he was trying to make TOO MANY putts.

Tiger used to enjoy playing the majors because he would eat the face off anyone who dared take the lead. Now, he's transformed into a sensitive player who needs to find intensity.

Just another layer on the argument that no matter how many 65s he posts on Thursday or Friday, Tiger is light years from being Tiger.

Aces

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    Atlanta Braves' Tim Hudson delivers a pitch in the fifth inning of a baseball game against the San Diego Padres on Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2012, in Atlanta.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Everyone's favorite former Auburn baseball player, Tim Hudson, delivered the goods for your Atlanta Braves on Tuesday.

Hudson allowed three baserunners in 6.1 innings in Atlanta's easy 6-0 win over San Diego. Hudson threw 97 pitches; 63 of them were strikes. Well played. Atlanta moved back with 4.5 games of Washington, which lost to the Giants on Tuesday.

Hudson delivered the type of performance that reminds us all why it's paramount to have a legit No. 1 during a pennant race. When teams are tired and bullpens spent, every contender needs a gut to take the ball and deliver. Hudson did that.

And it could not have come at a better time. These Braves have been getting solid starting pitching since the All-Star break, but most of it seems either good luck or streaky.

Hudson grabbed the Padres by the horns and did not let go.

He was aces.

This and that

— Alabama reported 27 secondary violations Tuesday, including a slew of things that ranged from improper texting to even an alleged Little Debbie infraction by a certain Oatmeal Creme Pie loving coach. OK, we made the last one up, but still. And if there's an ancillary benefit from the unprecedented bad in the world of college football in the last 14 months, it's the small amount of perspective that has arrived when it comes to the river of secondary violations. Think back 18 months and this would be "ALABAMA is OUT of control. They have 27 NCAA violations."

— Kudos to LaughingBoy for his great call on "Platoon" late Tuesday afternoon. We responded there and are planning on expanding the tournament field of ensemble casts in the days ahead. Stay tuned.

— On the literary front, world-class sportswriter Joe Posnanski's book on Joe Paterno is going to be released next week. Posnanski gained access in 2010 and was going to write a biography on Paterno that certainly was designed to go in a completely different direction than where we are today. Also, world-class pedophile Jerry Sandusky is said to be writing a book from prison. We're more interested in the former than the latter, thank you very much.

Today's question

We'll make this quick.

On this day in 1969 Woodstock started.

If we were going to have a 5-at-10-stock in downtown Chattanooga tonight and we said you could invite one current musical group, who are you bringing?

What if we said you could bring one group at any point ever, who you got?

Discuss.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

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Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
chas9 said...

So, does the Mrs. Fiver go all breathless when she sees the new shirtless Tebow magazine spread? You have to admit that TT has a pretty mouth.

Regarding the new kickoff strategy conversation started by Ace Brown today, some variables I didn't see in his story deserve consideration: Does the receiving team have return specialists with burner speed and/or killer moves? And is there much of a wind either at your back or in your face? What percentage of teams have a kicker who can reliably hang a high one that'll drop inside the 10 yard line?

I assume almost all big-time programs who can regularly put it into the end zone when kicking from the 35, and bringing the ball out to the 25 is a nice incentive. But with the variables mentioned above, seems to me every team would need to have both strategies in its tool kit: booming it deep into the end zone or hanging it high.

The standout SEC player this season may not be named Lattimore, Wilson, Davis, Lacy, Bray or Rogers. It may be newcomer Missouri's newcomer Dorial Green-Beckham.

Padres have halos, not horns.

Thanks for the Pirate list. Does little Bowden (Zips coach) qualify for an aaarghrable mention?

And wait till HR hears Jay's getting a little behind in his work. Don't believe I'd of posted that.

August 15, 2012 at 10:23 a.m.
ordinaryguy said...

Good stuff today Jay...current group would have to be U2...any group? This is a no brainer, even though they split up FORTY TWO years ago, they have still sold more records than ANYONE...THE BEATLES

August 15, 2012 at 10:58 a.m.
mcpell3 said...

Chas - little bowden only qualifies as Smee. DGB will be exciting to watch.

August 15, 2012 at 11 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

Having seen them a few times, I'll vote for the Drive By Truckers. Or Springsteen.

August 15, 2012 at 11:30 a.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Wow, straight out of the gate with the Deliverance reference.

Interesting questions, and as far as we're concerned with the Vols as long as those yahoos don't kick it out of bounds that will be a start.

DGB has skills no doubt — dude is 6-6, 225 and can run. But here's saying there will be a learning curve. There's always a learning curve. He would have posted All-American numbers in the Big 12, but this is not the Big 12.

And McPell is spot-on Buster Brown Bowden. The only pirate praise he gets is flippin' the fish sammiches at the Long John Silvers. He's way more punk than pirate, and yes, he went 20-1-1 out of the gate at Auburn and dude did some nice motivating along the way, but he left AU in shambles.

And there is a fundamental grading truth about all professions — did you leave it better than you found it. In Bowden's at AU — ab-SO-lutely not.

OG —

Saw U2 in Atlanta. They were good. Not as good as Public Enemy in the opening act. Great show all around.

McPell —

Smee. That made us chortle. Jake and the Neverland Pirates are a hit at the 5-at-10 compound.

— 5-at-10

August 15, 2012 at 11:34 a.m.
jgreeson said...

Spy —

Springsteen is the leader in our clubhouse too. Since he is the last one on our must-see list.

Well, him or Justin Beiber. (Kidding. Kidding. Hey we have to do something, 9er went all Ned Beatty right out of the shoot.)

— 5-at-10

August 15, 2012 at 11:36 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...

I already know what musical act I would love to see in Chattanooga but NOBODY and I mean NOBODY on this forum would know who I was talking about and why (Hint: she's Japanese). So I'm not going to risk Dr. B-like ridicule for obvious reasons.

My one selection would be the Killers. I know they are not as popular as they were 7-8 years ago and does really anyone understand their song lyrics at all?

My main reason is just to rub it in Jeff Style's face if nothing else. I love Jeff but he's about as much a music expert as I am a decathelon athlete.

August 15, 2012 at 12:15 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Have seen The Boss and his show is worth every penny. He had Fenway Park to himself this week. Red Sox sure ain't using it.

Paul Johnson? Pirate. Bobby Valentine? Clown.

Since I have seen Neil Young and Merle Haggard (but can't see George Jones in his farewell tour Friday night because of other obligations), the last on my to see list is ...

Metallica. Sad, but true.

August 15, 2012 at 12:48 p.m.
chas9 said...

Spy-- I saw Merle, too. Good show. Wish I could see (hear?) Young.

OK. JMC used the D word, which brings up a gripe of mine. How come half the Olympics common taters put an extra syllable in decathlon? Aren't they trained professionals? Almost as bad as saying "ath uh lete."

For the Pirate list: How'd-he-get-so-Rich Rodriguez?

In yesterday's all-cast 80's flicks quest, how about

Airplane! (Kareem, Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves, Robert Stack, Julie Haggerty, Leslie Nielson, Barbara Billingsley)

Tootsie (Dustin, Jessica Lange, Dabney Coleman, Bill Murray, Teri Garr, Estelle Getty, Geena Davis)

Gandhi (Ben Kingsley, Candace Bergen, Trevor Howard, Martin Sheen, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sir John Mills, Sir John Gielgud)

August 15, 2012 at 1:09 p.m.
chas9 said...

OK, Baby Bowden makes a poor pirate, but I just like getting The Zips into the conversation as often as possible. Which reminds me. Zips' Vice-President of Strategic Engagement Jim Tressel might make the Pirate list, if only he'd lose the sweater vest. Ain't no Pirate ever wore a red sweater vest. Aaaargh!

August 15, 2012 at 1:16 p.m.
fechancellor said...

10 Ring, two for your list of pirates...Johnny Majors and Jackie "The Jackal" Sherrill.

August 15, 2012 at 1:39 p.m.
jgreeson said...

JMC —

This your personal Woodstock. No 'splain' needed — unless you trot out Zamfir, master of the pan flute. Then there will be consequences.

Spy —

PJ was close. So was Malzahn. Booby V. is more Pilates than Pirates. We have seen Merle and George and even Metallic in the Omni late in the Omni's tenure — may have been 1997 or so.

No Neil (Southern man don't need him around any how). No Boss; at least not yet. We know there are a few others out there too.

9er —

Those are some stout casts for sure.

And Tressel is more G. Gordon Liddy. He's more Blackwater than Blackbeard.

August 15, 2012 at 1:47 p.m.
jgreeson said...

FE to the C —

There were a ton of pirates back in the glory days.

Bear — King Pirate

Majors, Sherrill, Dye, et al. were all pirates.

In fact, you were either like Bear and were a pirate or like Bobby Dodd and were a gentleman.

There was little middle ground matey.

Of the active guys, we should mention that we're certain Charlie Wies likes the all-you-can-eat specials at Red Lobster. That is all.

— 5-at-10

— 5-at-10

August 15, 2012 at 1:50 p.m.
chas9 said...

Perfect pitch on Weis. Though he might enjoy the specials at Long John Silvers too.

August 15, 2012 at 2:02 p.m.
Livn4life said...

Pirates? Pirates? Anyone see a Pirate? The only credence Vol fans would give to Kiffin as a Pirate is the part where they jump ship. But what's past is past. He's in an "I can dominate with a sad USC team" conference now, even though they are not a sad USC team. It will be interesting to see what the original P-coach Leachster brings to Wash. State. But by golly can't wait for college football season to start. I feel as robbed as a pirate victim to go so long without NCAA football. As long as Tiger can get all the pub. he gets not winning a major, he's cool. Maybe that's too relaxed too. Point is Rory Mc. obliterated the field and yet we hear how Tige was too relaxed, come on man. That really tees me off. How many Bammer 2ndary violations does it take to get slammed? How many Bammers does it take to correct 2ndary violations. And just how did Nickodeemus Saban let that happen. THE GROUP WOULD HAVE TO be Nitty-Gritty Dirt Band.

August 15, 2012 at 2:28 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Here's saying a hungry Weis is not the most patient customer at the LJS's drive-thru.

Livn(Large) —

Way to finish strong. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is an excellent call.

5-at-10

August 15, 2012 at 2:42 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

jgreeson wrote- "This your personal Woodstock. No 'splain' needed"

In that case, Magumi Hayashibara

August 15, 2012 at 2:44 p.m.
chas9 said...

L4L--I had the pleasure of hearing the NGDB at Riverbend years ago, not too long after the great Circle album came out. John had quite a voice.

August 15, 2012 at 2:48 p.m.
Todd962 said...

Easy with the jokes, eh? Heres my best pirate-ish joke. A pirate ship is sailing along the seas one day when the first mate rushes up to the captain. "Captain, an enemy ship has been spotted on the horizon to the east." The captain stands up tall and proclaims to the first mate "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate pleads with him that there is no time for that and they must prepare for battle, but the Captain sternly orders him again "Bring me my red shirt." Thinking that the captain has lost his mind, the first mate rushes off, retrieves the red shirt and brings it to the captain. The captain calmly clothes himself with the red shirt, and after settling himself he turns to the first mate and says "Prepare the men for battle." After a long and grueling battle, the captain is able to lead his men to victory. Following the fight the first mate approached the captain and questioned him about his demands for the red shirt. The captain explained "I demanded the red shirt so that in the event that I was wounded in battle, none of the men would be discouraged to see me bleeding, and would continue to fight ferociously." The first mate left his captains side thinking how wise and brave their leader was. Weeks later the ship was sailing along and again the first mate rushed to the captains side and screamed "Captain, fifty enemy ships have been spotted on the horizon to the west." The captain stood stall, looked his first mate in the eyes and said "Bring me my brown pants."

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? RRRRRRRR? Incorrect. Everyone knows a pirate's one true love is the CCCCCC.

After all that, I can respect pirates and their undying pursuit of booty, but I think I would rather have a ninja as a head coach. More discipline and ability to perform lethally with less. Sneaky ninjas...

Living or dead musical acts? I would love to have seen Hendrix live in his prime as he attempted to melt my face with his guitar, whether I was chemically altered or not.

August 15, 2012 at 3:08 p.m.
jgreeson said...

962 —

We need the big lug actor in the cheesy 80s to start the slow clap (ala "Cant' Buy Me Love, Karate Kid, etc.).

Well-played indeed sir.

College football ninjas, huh? Hmmmmmmm.

Side note: Anyone want to guess tomorrow's college football list?

— 5-at-10

August 15, 2012 at 3:24 p.m.
Todd962 said...

Jay, I have a suggestion for you. I was flipping through the on demand of my television provider and saw that they had all the Rocky movies available. After canceling all my plans for the next fifteen hours, I got to thinking about all the sweet 80's montages. What are your top five movie montage scenes? You could even focus it to sports if you wanted. Everyone loves a good training montage.

"In anything, if you want to go

From a beginner to a pro

You need a montage.

Montage!"

August 15, 2012 at 4:45 p.m.
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