published Thursday, March 29th, 2012

5-at-10: Return of Ron Burgandy, spring football and fist-fights at the dialysis machine

Don't forget about Friday's mailbag — we'll have a full one this week, we promise. Let's get a huge, Huge, HUGE weekend jumpstarted early with a Ron Burgandy-dedicated 5-at-10 in honor of the news last night that there will be a second Ron Burgandy movie in the days ahead.

From the "Talks Too Much Studios" here we go.

Final Four

Brian Fontana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off. Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk!

Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

This Final Four is starting to boil to the unforeseen points. What proof?

Wednesday in Georgetown, Ky. — about 15 miles outside of Lexington — there was a fight between a Louisville fan and a Kentucky fan in advance of those arch rivals facing off in Saturday's Final Four opener.

"So?" you're probably thinking. "That happens a hundred times a year."

Maybe, but here's what makes this story "compelling and rich" as Mr. Burgandy would say:

— These two guys were patients in the same dialysis clinic;

— The younger of these two guys was 68

— The 68-year-old UK fan, who was hitched up to the dialysis machine, heard the 71-year-old Cards fan talking about how Louisville was going to win. The UK fan flipped his rival the bird and the Cards fan punched his counterpart in the face.

And we're still more than 48 hours from tipoff.

Side note: We're in for the the Kemba Walker Memorial Shootout, Final Four edition. Here's the ground rules: Pick two players — can be from the same team can be from different teams; most total points scored wins; submit your picks in the order of which player you think will score the most; the first tie-breaker if people submit similar entries will be the points scored from the top dogs — this means if you enter Jared Sullinger and Thomas Robinson, it's not the same exact entry as Thomas Robinson and Jared Sullinger; further tie breakers will be announced as needed.

Here's who is in:

5-at-10 — Michael Kidd-Gilchrist and Thomas Robinson

McPell — Tyshawn Taylor and Anthony Davis

scole023 — Thomas Robinson and Anthony Davis

Follower — MKG and Jared Sullinger

Tiger — William Buford and Michael Kidd Gilchrist

OTWatcher — Anthony Davis and MKG

dawg747 — Sullinger and Anthony Davis

StuckinKent — Sullinger and MKG

wcole777 — Kyle Kuric and Jared Sullinger

Mrs. 5-at-10 — Doron Lamb and Thomas Robinson


Bray time

Ron Burgandy: I'm in a glass case of emotion.

Our UT ace Downtown Patrick Brown has an interesting look at the off-the-field actions of Vols quarterback Tyler Bray here

We talked earlier this week about the overwhelming need of linebacker A.J. Johnson to stay healthy this spring and for receiver Justin Hunter to return to full speed. We stand by those contentions, but Downtown brings up an excellent point: If Bray, the up-and-down junior quarterback, is not ready to drive the Vols bus, there's little to no hope this fall.

Here are the fundamental truths that we can all agree on:

— The Vols are putting in a new defense — with new coaches at every level on that side of the ball;

— That new scheme puts an emphasis on linebackers, arguably UT's thinnest position;

— The UT running game inspires little confidence in even the most-orangest Johnny Vol Fan

What does that leave UT hanging its helmet on? Yep, a passing game highlighted by Bray and three receivers — Hunter, Da'Rick Rogers and Cordarrelle Patterson — that physically are NFL-caliber.

But Bray is the key. He has always been ready to play physically — dude can sling it. But... (there's always a but, right?) Has he grown and is he ready to lead as some of his teammates tell Downtown in today's story? Johnny Vols Fan better hope so.


Around college football

Bill Lawson: Bob Dylan once wrote, The times, they are a-changin. Ron Burgundy had never heard that song.

It appears there's a bunch of storylines around college football that while this may be a new year, things have a very familiar feeling. Case in point:

Example No. 1: Not unlike his predecessors, Alabama running back Eddie Lacey is already generating some early Heisman buzz. Lacey made the "darkhorse" list for despite only getting 95 carries last year.

Lacey will get the first crack at replacing Trent Richardson and will operate behind the best offensive line in the country.

Example No. 2: Two more Georgia players face suspensions for violations of team rules. As our SEC ace David Paschall tells us here, there are reports that linebacker Alec Ogletree and safety Bacarri Rambo have been suspended for at least the first two games — vs. Buffalo and at Missouri — and may miss as many as four games — vs. Florida Atlantic and vs. Vandy are games three and four on the UGA schedule.

Example No. 3: Auburn appears to be transitioning to more of a pro-style offense under new coordinator Scot Loeffler. And during that transition Jay Tate of the Mongtomery Advertiser shares that the Tigers QBs and RBs are having trouble with snaps and hand-offs. That's less than encouraging.


This and that

Ron Burgundy: The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... [kisses his biceps] and see if she likes the goods.

— LeBron James says his dislocated finger will not cost him any time. OK, that's all well and good. But the next three weeks do not matter for King James. The upcoming playoffs however could be huge in their hugeness.

— Prep superstar Shabazz Muhammad was the star of last night's McDonald's All-America basketball game. Two quick takes: First, Muhammad is star and will be a star next year on the big stage of college hoops — his final three choices are UCLA, UK and Duke. Second, for the rest of today's column, we're changing our name to the Shabazz-at-10. That's some kind of name, huh? Awesome. (Side note: If Shabazz was not a hoops star, what profession is there for a Shabazz? That's a star athlete name if there ever was one. There are not many, "This is my plumber Shabazz moments in life," you know?)

— As we said yesterday, the Shabazz-at-10 is stoked Magic Johnson and Co. bought the Dodgers. But $2 billion — that's Billion with a 'B' — is a lot of coin.


Today's question

Let's talk sequels.

If we can all agree that Godfather II is the best sequel — narrowly edging Empire Strikes Back — and that Caddyshack II is the worst — surpassing the second Indiana Jones movie and Slap Shot II, what are our expectations for Ron Burgandy II?

Will it be a combination of Sex Panther — 60 percent of the time it works every time — or more the name of San Diego — agree to disagree?

And which movie should there be a sequel that's not out there yet?


about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show StuckinKent

Shabazz at 10-

I actually live in Georgetown, KY. So proud of my town for making the national news. I knew it would come one day. Also well known for Scott County HS sports (which are very good in the state of KY- play some solid basketball and football), a Toyota Manufacturing plant (which had a Super Bowl commercial about it this year), and Georgetown College sports (probably the best in NAIA, which is about like being the best looking over 70 year old at the prom).

Wonder if they'll come do a Final Four commercial here about the Dialysis Clinic? Then we could have two national commercials filmed in one year here in Georgetown!

They are throwing extra police officers all over the streets of Lexington. Apparently, there will be no parking allowed on several main downtown roads on Saturday night, and anyone seen burning a couch or TV will be prosecuted. (Both happened last Saturday after beating Baylor- really? Beat Baylor, burn a couch and TV? People must be more bored around here than I thought. Hold a garage sale or something, people!)

Personally, I think I may fear for my safety if UK wins on Monday night.


March 29, 2012 at 10:27 a.m.
chas9 said...

5er--In praising the impressive 1984 draft you mentioned some biggies--Jordan, Stockton, Barkley, Olajuwan, Cage, and Robertson. I'm sure you meant to mention Bowie and Turpin, too. And never, ever forget local hero Willie White, who never missed a long shot.

And in the tight Final Four circle, I submit two nominations. In 2010 it was Duke, Butler, WVA, and Michigan State. In 2005 it was Louisville, Illinois, Michigan State, and UNC.

There's never been anything like Temple, 'nova, Maryland, Georgetown.

March 29, 2012 at 10:34 a.m.
ordinaryguy said...

Good to see the return of Ron Burgandy...but if something should befall Will Ferrell then we can always call in Chip Chapman to sub

March 29, 2012 at 10:47 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

Titanic needs a sequel. Now.

March 29, 2012 at 11:07 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

There are some bad sequels out there ... Teen Wolf 2, anybody? Caddyshack 2 may be the worst of the lot. The other Karate Kid movies just didn't live up to the first one, either.

And now, I'm kinda glad we didn't get a Ferris Bueller 2 or a Can't Buy Me Love 2.

March 29, 2012 at 11:35 a.m.
chas9 said...

Shabazz--When your hops fail you, you could become an illusionist: Shabazz the Magnificent saws women in half.

What kind of flute was that Mr. Burgundy played last night?

Dialysis is only life. Ky-Louisville is serious.

March 29, 2012 at 12:16 p.m.
Livn4life said...

5 At Spin, I am just glad the Cardinal fan did not go for a kidney punch at the dialysis center. That could have been fatal. Just a coupla big time fans having a little 'spute you know. It's all gonna be on Tylernotadonkey's Bray for the Vols. Latest rumordumor is Rodgers will be somewhere else this fall. So hopefully Bray will be da Man without da'Rick. SHABAZZ...the amazing Human Cannon Ball. Always A BLAST to have around. That would give a new slant on shooting now wouldn't it? It's gonna be real real hard to have a second and better Ron Burgandy movie. That's all I got to say about tat!

March 29, 2012 at 1:21 p.m.
jgreeson said...

StuckinKent —

You stay classy Georgetown.

And what's up with that region and fans burning living room pieces. West Virginia officials were worried about a runaway couch fire when LSU visited Morgantown this fall.

Remember kids, don't do drugs and only you can prevent furniture fires.

As for some stinker sequels, those Smokey and the Bandits after No. 1 were less than entertaining.

OG —

Never a bad time for a little Burgandy. And there is no filling Ron's shoes. We miss his musk.

Spy —

You said Titantic as a joke. It was not funny — especially since they are releasing Titantic in 3D in about a week. Maybe James Cameron needs some coin.

Titantic II — Sully saves the bacon. Concur about Tenn Wolf II, and the goodness that is the lack of Ferris II or the CBML II: Ronald Miller starts a call-girl service.

That said, we were OK with KKII. Shut it.

Weekend and Bernies II and Mannequin II, world-class stinkers.

9er —

Shabazz-at-10 is considering magic or as Livn(Large) suggest a human cannonball.

Maybe that's what has Da'rick Rogers' panties in a bunch — Shabazz-at-10 is a much cooler name than Da'Rick and he doesn't know how to handle it.

Anyone want to take wagers on whether Rogers will be on the UT roster Aug. 31 against NC State?

Livn(Large) —

Wow. You are rolling. And remember the 7:30 show is different from the 9:30 show.

And you're spot on that the Burgandy bar is set really high. We're hopeful though — and this could really be like Fletch (a first-ballot Hall-of-Fame comedy) and Fletch II (an underrated comedy but not beloved because the first one is so good).

— 5-at-10

March 29, 2012 at 1:47 p.m.
Blueoval said...

5/10, I'll take Thomas Robinson and Anthony Davis please sir....

March 29, 2012 at 2 p.m.
Livn4life said...

Da Word is Da Rick isn't gone yet. But da news is da grades hadn't been be un made like they shud. So Bray and the boys may really be Da'Rickless. It's all unfoldin' as we type.

March 29, 2012 at 2:24 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Oval —

You're in.

Livn(Large) —

You speak da truth.

— 5-at-10

March 29, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.
Livn4life said...

Just curious, is that Baccari or John Rambo down there in DAWGland?

March 29, 2012 at 4:42 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Livn(Large) —

Fair question. Although maybe it's Bacardi Rambo?

— 5-at-10

March 29, 2012 at 4:53 p.m.
Livn4life said...

I'll drink/think to that 5er!

March 29, 2012 at 5:41 p.m.
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