published Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

5-at-10: Game Week, NFL, and the world's biggest menu

From the "Talks too much" studios, bang a gong...

Game week Wednesday

College football is here. We're a day away from the start of the season. We'll make our Fab 4-plus-1 picks on Thursday. It's here; it's all happening. (Side note: Looking back here, you can see the stats from the record-setting run we had picking games last year. Yep, add the Texas A&M and Alabama wins in the last two bowls we picked and we went 85-36-2 last year against the number. That's after finishing 52-27-2 the previous year. That's stockpiling a ton of entertainment.)

Tomorrow could be the second biggest Thursday night of the season, too, considering that a monster SEC matchup between Vandy and Ole Miss could set one team on the path for New Year's in Florida and the other on the path for fighting for postseason possibilities. (Liking the Hotty Toddys, for what it's worth.)

So with this on the horizon, let's go ahead and make the season-long calls:

BCS title game: Alabama over Ohio State. BIG.

Heisman winner: Braxton Miller, Ohio State

Bold prediction: USC wins the Pac-12

Even bolder prediction: Two undefeated teams meet in Tuscaloosa in November when UTC goes to Alabama.

The boldest (most homer) prediction of the year: Auburn wins eight regular-season games, and spends New Year's in Florida. We are completely on the Gus Bus and we're counting on Finding Nick Marshall Mize — REEEEEE-gardless — means an offense that is tough to handle. (Side note: The word 'boldest' in the title of this pick also means 'craziest' for those interested.)

Biggest belly-ache-fest looming: In its final year, here's saying the BCS will bid a fond and true farewell giving college football fans everywhere a nice big double-bird salute. Alabama and Ohio State will run the tables and meet for the title game. But at least one unbeaten team — Louisville — and potentially more — FSU, or even a Clemson, or Oregon maybe — will be on the outside looking in a year before a four-team playoff takes shape.


NFL stuff

We're dealing with a lot of stuff and candlesticks make a nice gift.

The NFL has sneaked into the rear view and we need to make sure you folks are aware of a few items of interest. Let's do an NFL top five in 10 words or less; yep, the soon-to-be-patented 5-in-10 by the 5-at-10 — giddy-up:

1) Aaron Hernandez had drug issues: You don't say? Is Rosco P. Coltrane working this case?

2) Tim Tebow has a guardian angel in Pats owner Robert Kraft: When the owner likes you, well... Is this witch-Kraft?

3) Jets QB mess continues: Signing Graham Harrell? Dumpster fires look at the Jets disapprovingly.

4) We're worried about the Falcons: Big time.

5) Jake Locker just missed another open receiver: We're just assuming that, but we like our chances.


World's biggest menu

There was a glorious place in Smyrna where we grew up called Fat Boys. It was not a dietary or health conscious joint — excellent chili dogs, mmmmmmm. But Fat Boys did boast having the largest menu in the Southeast. You could get everything from a gouda burger to a gyro there. Good times.

The ever-expanding menu topic made us thing of McDonald's, which is getting wings. Seriously. Sept. 9, the Mighty Wing is coming to the Golden Arches — not the Golden Arcs, like McDowell's, mind you — and there are a slew of questions. Why, is a good place to start? Or, how about who has ever gone to McDonald's with their kids and said, "Man, sure wish they had some wings here?" And how does the McRib feel about the extra competition?

Here's a somewhat serious one for you: Will the chicken market be able to handle this? If McDonald's floods the zone with wings, and let's face it if McDonald's does something nationwide that would be millions and millions of wings, there certainly could be a wing shortage and that could raise the price of wings at places that actually make good wings. Stupid Ronald McDonald. The lesson as always — you can't trust a clown. Or cole slaw.


This and that

— Thanks in part to Miley Cyrus, "twerking" is now officially part of the lexicon. The strip-club dance sensation that Miley turned into a national buzz at the VMAs last Sunday is among the new terms to make the Oxford dictionary. In case she's curious, hooker was already in there.

—Today is the 50th anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech. Not much more to add here other than the historical footnote of the date. And, to say that as a fan of orators and quality speech-makers, Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech may be the best ever, especially considering a big chunk of the quick hit "I have a dream" parts were ad libed.

— The nation's top college football offensive lineman prospect, Cam Robinson, will pick between Alabama and LSU on Friday. Robinson, who is from Louisiana, is in an interesting spot: Nick Saban does not lose many recruits he wants; LSU does not lose many in-state recruits it wants. Which way will he go?

— Arnold Palmer gave Kate Upton a golf lesson. Think he asked if she wanted to make $14 the hard way like Al Czervik. The lesson of course is there is a Caddyshack quote for almost all avenues of life.

— Jason Heyward did not offer a timetable on his return. Not good. Dan Uggla likely returns to the line-up tonight for the Braves after having Lasik surgery. Here's hoping that's good.


Today's question

Gang, we're going to be out of the office this afternoon but we'll check back in periodically.

If you need a talking point beyond the slew offered above, try this one:

What movie can you quote best? And before you say, give the 5-at-10 and others a chance by tossing out one of your sneaky favorite quotes. Deal? Deal.

And gang — SPY — no googling the quotes.

Remember the Friday mailbag, we have a spot or two, and here's wondering if before she goes out, does Miley Cyrus say, "Let's get to Twerk."


about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
chas9 said...

Love Mark's tribute to the Singing Moc lineman.

Is it just me, or does Miley Cyrus have an over-sized tongue?

"Nah, calling it your job don't make it right, Boss Jay."

I like that MLK mentioned Lookout Mountain in his great speech. Maybe a result of having interviewed for a job in Chattanooga. He came in second. The guy who got the job must have been dy-no-mite. Imagine if our hometown had been the center of all that happened later.

I don't like that for copyright reasons it's almost impossible to find a copy of the speech (without paying for it).

August 28, 2013 at 10:22 a.m.
MocTastic said...

A bolder prediction...only one team in Tuscaloosa on Nov 23 will be undefeated and it won't be Alabama.

Uggla went mammo yicketty last night for Gwinnett in a rehab assignment along with a single, but in his first five at bats in rehab he had four, the question is, which is the new all seeing Uggla, the one that started off k'ing, or the one with a dinger and a single? If the latter, this will be a big boost for the Braves.

August 28, 2013 at 10:25 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Ten Ring + gang

Where to begin, as of this writing, we are at T-minus 33 hours and counting! Go Mocs! Tomorrow I have a paid day off which will result in me getting the last two key ingredients for opening kick-off. It's gonna feel weird only wearing a Mocs T-shirt to represent the 423 in the 972. I took my Mocs jersey with me during my last trip home in July and left it for Jacob, Gunner, T-Rob and everyone else to John Handcock. I'll also be making old school pigs in a blanket (a longtime favorite of mine since I was little 5 at 10's age) + fresh guacamole from Central Market (local version of Whole Foods) for my tortilla chips (trust me, the $4.99 a mini tub price tag is WELL worth it!) So yeah, I'm stoked.

I actually tried to do a bit about twerking two weeks before Miley-gate. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to register with anyone in the audience. As of right now, I'm stepping off the stage as this is no longer feeling fun. I have other things I can work on until inspiration hits me again.

Regarding quote-able movies: Ironically, you picked the one film from yesterday I can probably quote from start to finish.

You don't like it? No,...I don't like it.

We offered to help. Yes. You refused our money. Yes. So I say, you're really up (blank) creek! ::ruler slap::

I want four fried chickens and a Coke. And some dry white toast.

August 28, 2013 at 10:30 a.m.
mcpell3 said...

So if Struggla hits upon return, do we take up a collection for Locker to have eye surgery? Or give it to the scouting dept in Titanville?

“When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master.”

August 28, 2013 at 10:41 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Regarding McDonald's entry into the wing market. I predict it may not go anywhere. McDonald's does good on a lot of things but tends to crash and burn when it comes to doing stuff outside their normal parameters. Case in point, when I was in high school, I was on the travel squad for the state wrestling duels in Bristol. No joke, there was a McDonald's there that served...personal pan pizzas. Obviously this was something within certain markets as none of the Chattanooga-area McDonalds at the time was doing so. Needless to say, nothing ever came of it. So I imagine the same for Mickey D's jump into the Wing Stop competition (Dallas-based chain eatery that does nothing but wings).

August 28, 2013 at 10:43 a.m.
chas9 said...

JMC--Not sure I want to see you twerk, but I'm wishing you bucketloads of inspiration.

And what mess could little Miss Miley make with an order of buffalo wings?

August 28, 2013 at 11:13 a.m.
jgreeson said...

Cool Hand 9er —

Yes, Miley Cyrus does have a tongue that may wonder if Miley Simmons may not be a little more appropriate.

Here's saying she could de-bone a dozen wings quicker than Spy could get loose enough to even try to twerk.


The countdown being in the hours rather than days is glorious for sure.

Our most common Blue Brothers quote is from John Candy...

"Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips."

Followed closely by...

"What kind of music do you have here?"

We have both kinds — country and western."

MT —

Did you just use mammo yicketty? We're down.

If Uggla comes back and hits .250ish with pop, that would be a monster bonus. If he comes back as Danny Struggla, well, it's time to get off the pot.

Darth McPell —

There is no saving Locker. You either do or you do not; there is no try.

We have a funny feeling about this.

August 28, 2013 at 11:25 a.m.
MocTastic said...

McD's has test marketed most every product imaginable. I remember the quick pizza try and there is a McD's lobster roll up in the northeast. I remember seeing a salad bar at a McD's in Atlanta and a coworker tells me that at one time, may still be, a McD's in Lafayette GA has a breakfast buffett, basically all that is on their breakfast menu is on a buffett.

August 28, 2013 at 11:28 a.m.
jgreeson said...

MT —

How in the world is this just getting to us?

We grew up on McDonald's to the point that we never eat there any more. Burned out long ago.

That said, we can go through fast-food breakfast options like Sherman went through Smyrna.

E-GADS, our cholesterol spiked just reading about that.

Good times.

August 28, 2013 at 11:34 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...


The bit basically involved me comparing the position of twerking with going behind a bush (aka the how-to part). It stemmed from a posting a friend did on Facebook where he said he saw a girl twerking at a dueling piano bar. My direction for going there hans the how-to reference was "Who twerks at a piano bar? That reads ghetto Elton John or Billy Joel fan".

Anyway, good call on the Orange Whip reference Jay.

August 28, 2013 at 11:49 a.m.
chas9 said...

JMC--I can see it, sounds funny to me. Shaking it up here, boss.

August 28, 2013 at 11:58 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...


Was skimming through my copy of the DMN at lunch just now and your alter-ego Tim Cowlishaw wrote a too-close-to-home opinion piece basically regarding the NCAA's hypocrisy on the one and done rule in other sports vs. football. Some of it touches base on simuliar stuff you've discussed on this very forum. Look for it real soon.

In other news, the "finalists" for new Texas State Fair goodies have arrived (Metro section aka local news). My picks are the deep-fried Cuban Roll (Basically a cuban sandwich rolled in a pastry dough and deep fried). The Gold Fried Millionaire Pie (cream cheese, pineapple, and Texas pecans wrapped in pie crust and fried) and the Texas Fried Fireball (pimento cheese, pickles, cayenne pepper and bacon, dipped in buttermilk and jalapeno batter and deep fried) served with chipotle ranch.

The weird ones: Fried Thanksgiving Dinner and Fried Meatloaf (don't ask).

August 28, 2013 at 1:41 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Who's being naïve, Kay?

Or ... from one of my favorite movies - He killed Manfreedy and Johnson, didn't he?

And one I know 5 will love - How's it work on stains?

August 28, 2013 at 1:49 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

and my hip is bothering me, so I don't know how much twerking I could do right now.

Went to see the Savannah Sand Gnats a few nights ago (before they leave town for good, it appears, if you believe the newspapers). The other team had a, shall we say, diminutive second baseman. So I regaled my drinking buddy with the story of some undergrad at an SEC school when LSU came to town with the height-challenged Warren Morris at second base bellowing out, "Hey, Skip! Somebody left their hat at second base!"

Wonder what happened to that guy....

August 28, 2013 at 1:59 p.m.
GratefulDawg said...

Man, I'm feeling old now. The Roscoe P. Coltrane reference was the one pop culture shout-out in today's column I actually understood. I'm still not sure what "twerking" actually is. It seems to be a household word now since the daughter of that guy that sang "Achy Breaky Heart" shook her biscuits for the son of the guy that played the dad on "Growing Pains." Whatever. For what it's worth, I appreciate a well placed "Dukes of Hazzard" reference in a pop culture scene that has left relics like me in the rearview. Catherine Bach didn't twerk, but what she did worked.

August 28, 2013 at 3:13 p.m.
Walden said...

Jay - "Would you buy furniture from a place called Unpainted Huffines?"

Another one...

"Life's short, shorter for some than for others. Now let's the rest of us head on up to Montana."

August 28, 2013 at 4:13 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Another quote from one of my favorites that has had applications elsewhere: Curtains would do wonders for this barrack. You will not get them.

August 28, 2013 at 5:16 p.m.
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