published Thursday, June 27th, 2013

5-at-10: Gangsta Thursday with Aaron Hernandez, the Rae Carruth Award and Vegas, baby

We were out of the office tending to stuff on Wednesday afternoon, so that's why we bageled on our comments to you guys' witty banter Wednesday. Hey it was witty Wednesday, starring our usual cast of characters. (And yes, Todd, if the TFP could find themselves a sports editor worth his weight in salt, Saltines or Sea-Salt potato chips, well, the trains would really roll on time.)

Gang, remember Friday's mailbag. And in honor of Aaron "Double A" Hernandez, we'll be giving everyone's gangsta nicknames today. Giddy-up. Don't call it a comeback, he's been here for years.

From the "Talks too much" studios, remember it's good luck... in Haiti.

Hernandez fall out

  • photo
    In this image taken from video, police search a car outside the home of New England Patriots football player Aaron Hernandez, Saturday, June 22, 2013, in North Attleboro, Mass. State police officers and dogs searched Hernandez's home as they investigate the killing of Odin Lloyd, a semi-pro football player whose body was found nearby.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Unlike Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, dang glad to meet you, we were not pre-law at Faber (Thought it was pre-med? What's the difference?).

That said, we're going to go out on a limb here and say first-degree murder chargers seem pretty serious. There could be jail in his future.

And since we all know this guy is as bright as a bag of hammers, and to follow on the heels of witty Wednesday, let's move on to Gangsta' Thursday. (And yes, Todd, the snap of handcuffs certainly gets your attention. And don't know how many of you folks know this first hand, but the back of a cop car is not designed for a comfortable ride. Pretty cramped spaces back there. Well, or so we've been told... cough, cough.)

We'll let the legal proceeding play out, and if Double A did it, hope he gets what he deserves.

Here, though, are five quick random thoughts about the situation:

1) Great line by Jomo on witty Wednesday about if/when Hernandez goes to the joint, his time as a tight end is over. Hey now... He meant with the Patriots, right? Wait a sec... Moving on.

2) We believe, coupled with the Gronk injury, that this is Lord's way to make sure the Pats need Tim Tebow. Amen and pass the tight end playbook.

3) If he does go to jail, where will Hernandez put his new prison tats since all the prime tat real estate has already been purchased.

4) If he did do this, and the link appears to be the victim's squeeze was Hernandez' fee-ance's sister — whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night — then it's obvious that Hernandez forgot the sage advice from Gale Snoats in Raising Arizona: "Well, sometimes your career's gotta come before family."

5) Rumors has it, his sleeveless journey to the joint was a tribute to coach and renowned fashionista Bill Belichick, who may or may not have the phrase "Your going to like the way I look in this cut-off, hoodie sweatshirt, I guarantee it" embroidered on a nice napkin that hangs in his office. Also, here's saying Belichick was so mad at this development he cut two special-teams players, fired three interns and called Nick Saban to plot how they can overthrow a third-world island country so they can go somewhere and work without post-practice news conferences. Horse heads for everyone.

What say you?

————

Do what?

We all heard the news about Double A, but did you see that a rookie Cleveland Browns linebackers named Ausar Walcott was arrested for attempted murder for punching a dude in the face early Sunday morning outside some joint called "The Palace Gentlemen's Club" which is likely either the local Goodwill donation center or a possible public library extension? (Side question I: Has there been a "good" story in the news about athletes that included the terms "early morning hours" and "outside the club" since like ever? Side question II:If you were going to open a "Gentleman's Club" what would you name it? And gang, let's try to keep this as clean as we can on a Gangsta' Thursday. Seriously. We'll start with "Pole Land.")

The guy Walcott punched — Derrick Jones — is in critical condition. The thought of getting punched square in the face by an NFL linebacker is scary.

According to a San Diego Times-Union database there now have been 28 NFL players arrested since the Super Bowl.

And since the NFL gives the Walter Payton Award to its man of the year, maybe they ought to consider the Rae Carruth Criminal of the year award. Hernandez would be the Vegas favorite in the clubhouse, but Walcott certainly will get some consideration.

————

Speaking of Vegas

We're going to breakdown the SEC over/under win totals sometime this weekend in a column for the TFP. Hey, now that Todd's a subscriber and all we have to pick up our game. Hey, look at the big brain on Brad.

We get frequent e-mails telling us about the betting action of various sports books in Vegas. We received a few from friend of the show RJ Bell of pregame.com this week that we thought were interesting.

First, want to know how big of a shocker it is that Nadal, Federer and Sharapova lost before the first Saturday of Wimbledon? If you compounded the odds of each losing this early, the pay-out on a $100 bet would have been roughly $10 million. Read that again.

Second, the tight end troubles with the New England Patriots have dropped their Super Bowl odds down to 8-to-1, the same as the Seattle Seahawks and behind the Broncos and the 49ers, who are each 6-to-1. It's the first time since 2003, that the Pats are not one of the two favorites to reach the Super Bowl.

Third, they released the over/under win totals for all of the BCS teams for the upcoming regular season. Remembering that only the 12 regular season games count, the over/under for Alabama was 11 (amazing, and even more amazing, we'd likely bet the over), Georgia was 10 and Auburn and Tennessee are at 6. If we were forced to wager — for entertainment purposes only of course — we'd go over, under, over and push. Ten is a really good number for Georgia, and six is a spot-on great over/under for Tennessee.

For you Mocs followers out there, while it was not official in Vegas, we'll unofficially set the UTC over/under win total at 8.5. Whatcha think?

————

This and that

— OK, Oregon got three years probation and former coach Chip Kelly, who is now in the NFL making huge coin, got an 18-month show cause penalty for paying a Houston-based recruiting expert/handler/scum bag/pimp named Willie Lyles $25K for what was termed "analysis" but what proved to be connections and the chance to land former five-star running back Lache Seastrunk (who has since transfered to Baylor and could be a darkhorse Heisman contender this fall). Oregon got off unbelievably light considering the levels of its infractions, and the lesson here is the same one we all learned in kindergarten. Tell the truth. Chip Kelly got an easy 18 months for his program paying 25K for a recruit. That's an NCAA felony, and the sentence seems 100 percent misdemeanor. Bruce Pearl got three years for lying about a Bar-B-Q and trying to get an 18-year-old to lie about it and back-up his story. The difference? Well, you know the difference. And yes, Chip Kelly got sent to his room to play video games while Pearl got whipped with a belt. (You know what we're talking about.)

— Gangsta names for the above? We'll go 2 Chips Kelly; Mother for Pearl and Willie Lo-Lo for Willie Lyles. Thoughts?

— So now A-Rod has his feelings hurt and he thinks the Yankees are mad at him and are looking for a way to get rid of him, huh? Well, who in a million years would want to dump an injury-prone, alleged-steroid-user who is set to make $29 million this year? Since admitting to SI in February of 2009 that he got some PEDs from his cousin Yuri, A-Rod has not hit better than .286 and has averaged less than 24 homers per season. For his career, A-Rod has averaged a .300 averaged and more than 34 homers per year. Side note: Cousin Yuri is involved in the latest Biogenesis stuff and is reportedly going to testify before MLB. Is there any doubt that if the Yankees were a crime family and word got out that the FBI had an informant inside the Yankees, A-Rod's the rat?

— The draft is tonight. We're stoked. Hey, we love the draft — you know this. We may try to take to The Twitter.

— We completed Auburn week on Wednesday and we have a mailbag question in the que on the Tigers.

————

Say what?

It's a Talkin' Thursday, so that leaves the mic open for you folks. "MCA, pick up the mic my man."

We're trying to turn over a new leaf and make the 5-at-10 lighter and quicker. As our high school hoops coach, the infamous David Boyd like to remind us, "Be quick but no in a hurry."

So let's hit some rapid fires:

You only get to pick one of the following to answer, and feel free to replace it with a quick fire question of your own:

Of course you can feel free to riff on any of the above, such as your zinger about Aaron Hernandez, any nominees for Rae Carruth NFL criminal of the year or your view on the over/under win totals of the Tide, Bulldogs, Mocs, Tigers or Vols.

If you still need some talking points, well, here you go:

• Which of the 10 players invited to the NBA draft green room tonight will have the "best" suit? Discuss.

• Now that we have reviewed Auburn, which college football program should we look at next? The choices are UT, UGA, UTC or Bama — and we'll get to each of them in the days ahead — we're just giving you the chance to speak now or forever hold your peace. (Or if you're Aaron Hernandez, that cliche would be "shoot now or forever hold your piece." Thank you.)

Discuss and remember the mailbag.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

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Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show StuckinKent —

I'd be interested in an over/under on Kentucky. With Stoops building so much positive energy (I live in town, and can feel the energy towards football that hasn't been there before), what happens if this team wins three games, which is distinctly possible? I'm really curious how this goes from here.

Noel has the best suit. Ben McLemore may be wearing the same stupid outfit he was wearing on the front page of ESPN.com- a shirt and tie, and shorts dribbling a basketball.

June 27, 2013 at 10:38 a.m.
Todd962 said...

Nicely done as usual. Could have swore "Murder was the case" would have been incorporated at some point throughout the A-A-Ron bit but Snoop Lion doesnt carry the clout that he once did amongst true gangstas.

Pet peeve of the sports talk shows and interweb based column world: RJ Bell claiming to be every media outlet's "friend of the show". Jay, dont you see he is trying to force himself onto you. You need to keep your distance from that guy. He gives me a creepy vibe.

If MLB and the steroid scandal were a gangster movie it would like be The Departed with specific emphasis on the last five minutes, which is basically a "head-shot" montage. They are all likely guilty, are going to turn on each other at some point, and everybody is going down one way or another. They're rats, the whole lot of them.

June 27, 2013 at 10:39 a.m.
chas9 said...

Jaybo--Great riff on Belichick was so mad that he got with Saban...

My source (5Dimes) shows The Vols over-under at 5.5, which makes more sense to me than six. And KY is a great over bet at 3.5.

Do you think the Hernandez situation is a scheme by some prison football operation to improve its roster, as in The Longest Yard? And I wonder how the 28 NFL arrests since the Super Bowl compares with a same size control group of young men over the same time period? Did you hear that a Browns rookie has been charged with attempted murder? Guess that makes 29.

Gotta go with N-squared for the best suit.

June 27, 2013 at 10:47 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

If I were to open a, ahem, "gentleman's club," I think it ought to be called "Daddy Issues." Though strangely my friend the Auburn grad who is gainfully employed by such an establishment loves her dad. It's her mom she doesn't like. Hmm....

Mr. Bundchen is not only sans Hernandez, but he also will be Gronk-less for Gronk knows how long, plus there is no more Welker and his Hooters wife or Little Danny Woodhead to throw to either. Paging Troy Brown. Troy Brown to the white courtesy phone, please. Even if you have been retired for three years.

Not really feeling the NBA draft, 5. It's not much of a draft. And I just can't get over this "NBA Job Interview" kinderspiel on ESPN with Jalen Rose and Bill Simmmons? Simmons? He's five foot nuthin, 100 and nuthin. And he's a basketball "expert"? Besides, Burn Notice is on at 9 and the Spy has to watch shows about ... spies. I mean, duh.

June 27, 2013 at 11:04 a.m.
jgreeson said...

Shotgun Stuck —

UK over/under is 4.5 — at least on the one that we saw. And that's going to be tough to go over since there are 9 bowl teams from 2012 on UK's sked. And two of three non-bowl invitees are Missouri and Tennessee.

I don't think he's a top-five pick, but considering what he's overcome, McLemore's story is awesome.

Numbers (that's your gangsta tag Todd)

We share a similar vibe about folks who prefer the non-punctuated initials. If you are R.J. Bell, then be R.J. In today's world with all the crazy spellings and capitalized letters, if your name is RJ, that could be pronounced Raj, like the guy from What's Happening?

Playing on your Departed scenario, that means Jeter is Marky Mark and drops A-Rod at the end and walks off.

Chucky9s —

Your over/unders on UK and UT make for tougher plays. We'd bet the under UK at 4.5 — what are the 5 wins on that schedule. And Tennessee is tough at 6 but feels over at 5.5, you know?

As for the arrest comparisons, well, if there were 1,800 20-40-year-olds in another job field that averaged high six figures or more, that could be a little more fair

June 27, 2013 at 11:16 a.m.
mrspud said...

Let's hear what you gotta say about da Mocs next. As far as club names, I have to go with "Nip N Sip". NBA draft? Is that a new beer that I haven't tasted yet? I hate the draft, you know this...BUT..I do love the draught.

June 27, 2013 at 12:23 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Ten Ring

No gangster names for me please. 1) I'm white. 2) I an't affiliated with the likes of Mike-Mike and Dokie Butt. 3) I don't shoot people on the front porch for no apparent reason. 4) I don't have a bleeding heart like that other Cook (no relation) for this sort of nonsense. 5) I don't represent "da Wheeler". 6) In the event I have children, they will have a father.

Excuse the brutal honesty. But I'm not going to hide from it. Glorify all you like, I'll pass. Thank you.

Back to the topic(s) at hand.

You wrote-

"Has there been a 'good' story in the news about athletes that included the terms 'early morning hours' and 'outside the club' since like ever?"

This reminds me of one of my favorite bits by Chris Rock. The subject matter was about drug use but the quote could really apply to anything:

"Have you ever gone to an ATM, and withdrew money, at 2 AM, for something POSITIVE??"

He then suggested a psychiatrist to be on hand via video link to council you out of the withdrawal.

Trust me, I've been there. That was before Diamonds and Lace became an embarassment. JMC's Views: scrap the stupid adult laws, drop a daisy cutter on the building, and start over from scratch in a new location.

Which is a great segway to your question.

Mine would be "Cosplayas". A Vegas strip club where are the girls perform as your favorite comic, anime, and video game femme fetale.

Me in my strip club DJ voice (hence the all caps): COMING TO THE STAGE, PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR SASHA AS CHUN-LI AND MICHELLE AS CAMMY FROM STREET FIGHTER II! THEIR KINKY BOOT LICKING SHOW IS THE CAT'S MEOW. AND IN THE VIP ROOM IS THE UBER FLEXABLE NATASHA AS PHYSLOCKE FROM X-MEN!

People reading this are looking at me like Johnny Depp as Tonto: "Something very wrong with the person who posted this."

UTC "occasionally" gets honorable mention in the Vegas odds (during the paycheck game -40) but your over/under appears accurate. Right now, Huesman and Co. is thinking all or nothing so I predict a win is all games minus the paycheck game against Nick and Co.

June 27, 2013 at 12:35 p.m.
chas9 said...

One pundit says the SEC will have three first round picks, Gawga's KC-P and NN in the top ten and Goodwin at 30. Archie will be lucky to go that high, IMHO.

If I can bet the under at 4.5 for UK at your bookie, and the over at 3.5 at 5Dime, that'd be a good bet, right?

June 27, 2013 at 1:07 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

6 is about right for the o/u on Auburn. I looked yesterday and if they have a few things go right (like finding a competent QB) they could win 8 max, but if we are stuck with the Wallace/Frazier combo, then 4 is more reasonable.

Sorry no family oriented names on the club comes to mind.

June 27, 2013 at 1:26 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Glasses (Spy's gangsta name) —

If Troy Brown is already being needed, well, wow. How long before the TO to New England rumors start?

Frenchy (MrSpud's gangsta name — spu led to Fries which led to French Fries which led to Frenchy)

There's a fair chance we'll mix the drafts/draughts tonight. Knock back a few Co-Colas.

Solid name for your club sir.

JMC —

Feeling the flow and flowing with feeling.

Chucky9s —

Absolutely. We'd go under the 4.5 and over the 3.5 and take our chances.

Mickey P —

Auburn may have the largest range of any team in the SEC.

— 5-at-10

June 27, 2013 at 1:41 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

5, you brought up the comparison between Heyward and Francouer yesterday. Have you seen how eerily similar their numbers are this year? Of the high school athletes I got to watch play for a little bit or a long time, Francouer was the best I ever saw, a list that includes Champ Bailey, DeLisha Milton (three-time Olympic gold medalist), Keith LeGree and Ronald Johnson. LeGree was a dynamite basketball/baseball player and wound up playing in the Twins organization. Ronald Johnson had 21 tackles, two sacks, a forced fumble, a fumble recovery and a couple of passes defensed one night against Valdosta back in the 80s. He's now on Atlanta PD's SWAT unit.

June 27, 2013 at 2:04 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Jay,

Yeeaaahhh...okay..sure. I'll be over here if you need me.

June 27, 2013 at 2:11 p.m.
GratefulDawg said...

The serious nature of the charges against Aaron Hernandez make me long for more innocent times. Such as when Detroit Lions WR Titus Young was arrested for DUI and upon his release tried to steal his car from the police impound lot. There are times when you screw things up and your initial impulse is to double down on the stupid.

I thought a bit about the naming of a gentleman's club. I came up with a few tasteless ideas, but none better than the name of an actual establishment already in business (or at least it was in 2007). In Anchorage, Alaska there is a club named The Great Alaskan Bush Company. That is top-shelf.

June 27, 2013 at 2:52 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Glasses —

Concur about Francouer. As good as we can recall.

JMC —

dude, we had nothing to add because you killed it. We let you finish your set and take your curtain call. Well-played indeed.

June 27, 2013 at 2:53 p.m.
jgreeson said...

GD —

That is extremely top-shelf. Top-notch on the top-shelf even.

And if you didn't walk right in and order a Busch Light on draught, well you don't have a hair on your... second thought.

When you have to bring up Titus Young as the example of better times, well, thank you Mr. Double-A Hernandez. This is where we are.

June 27, 2013 at 2:55 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Jay,

You should have said that before. ^^()

I appreciate the confirmed kill. Because after last night I really needed to read that. On Wednesdays, Hyena's does an open mic that everybody participates in. Most "comedy" open mics here are usually hosted in some seedy beer joint in order to help drum up business. And sometimes, the reception is not so well received. ^^()

Only two actual comedy clubs do open mics here: Hyena's at Mockingbird Station in Dallas (at the foot of the SMU campus) and the Improv in Arlington. Dallas Comedy House is actually an "improv"-based performance venue (They are to Dallas what Second City is to Chicago or the Groundlings to LA or Chicago City Limits to NYC) with stand-up performed on the side every Tuesday.

So if you want to perform open mic in a "real" club, most everybody does Hyena's.

And that can get messy.

The good news is Improv Arlington has a strict honor system. If you show up early enough and get your name on a spot, you're locked in that spot. Doesn't matter if you just started or just got back into town after opening for Seifeld himself. The guy who runs it does reserve certain primo spots for established comics but the lock factor is still in play. However, they don't do it last Wednesday of the month because of a showcase.

Hyena's is a completely different animal. I showed up last night 30 minutes early for sign up which is at 7:30 and there were already 15 people waiting as well. After signing in, I go across to BK for my pre-show meal (no rush). Show starts at 8:00 PM and by 8:30, I and several others had been bumped down by eight notches for more "established" comics who just "walked in the door" and continued on. I won't bore you with how I killed time but I did't go up until 11:20 PM last night. Patricia, who runs/hosts the thing, felt REALLY bad for what happened and offered me a primo spot for next Wednesday (no questions). Word gets around fast so she knows I've been working other rooms with positive results.

So why subject myself to something like that? 1) Hyena's has a reputation for hiring local comics for the occasional opening act if you "pay your dues" with them. 2) Because it's located on the SMU campus and they don't charge people admission fees, it's free entertainment and for the first 90 minutes the showroom will hold a really decent crowd 3) It's NOT a seedy beer joint (just trust me on that last one).

Again, glad I made your day with that.

June 27, 2013 at 4:35 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

I've tried to stay away from the Aaron Hernandez stuff for two reasons. One, this is sports and it's supposed to be entertaining and maddening, and that is a homicide case (no one is murdered until a jury says they are. Until then they have been killed or slain or gunned down) and that is about as serious business as it can get. Two, isn't it a bit callous to be talking about how this could affect the Patriots on the field without their other top tight end? Somebody got shot and killed. What the Patriots do on the field pales in comparison.

That Hernandez didn't get bail isn't surprising. In a homicide case, it's very rare that a bail is set. And as a DA friend of mine says, circumstantial evidence is still evidence.

June 27, 2013 at 4:40 p.m.
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