Billy Bob Thornton plays the title role in "Bad Santa."Between Halloween and Christmas, the Hallmark Channel is broadcasting 1,800 hours of holiday programming, a schedule that includes 12 brand-new Hallmark Christmas movies. Such a movie marathon fills many souls with dread since so many holiday movies tend to be sticky-sweet, badly acted and focused on what comedian Louis CK dubs rich "white people problems."
One of the new Hallmark movies ("One Starry Christmas") is about a pretty astronomer whose problem is she likes a cute cowboy she meets on Christmas and her handsome boyfriend. What woman on Earth considers beauty, a prestigious job and two hunky beaus as a problem?
Now, consider two beloved classics. "It's a Wonderful Life" opens with the hero contemplating suicide, while "A Christmas Story" ends with a working class family's fun in a Chinese restaurant after their Christmas feast is destroyed by "the Bumpus hounds." Both movies earn the joy audiences feel at the end.
That in mind, here's a list of "alternative" Christmas films, some with charm and wit, some oddball and twisted, but all decidedly different than the usual holiday fare. Some make the spirits soar; some make the adrenaline flow; some make you go "huh?" But in all cases, they're more than just a forced sugar rush.
• "Curse of the Cat People." Not rated. (1944) : As Chattanooga horror film expert Chris Dortch says, producer Val Lewton made brilliant films with lurid titles. This film, a sort-of sequel to "The Cat People," follows a lonely, imaginative little girl whose best friend is the ghost of her father's beautiful first wife, a suicide. Oscar-winning director Martin Scorsese wrote that World War II audiences embraced this beautiful frost-swept film perhaps because it unforgettably shows kindness can triumph over death to comfort the living.
• "Bad Santa" Rated R. (2003): Billy Bob Thornton is a profane, babe-chasing, drunken store Santa and former convicted con man who's stunned to develop genuine affection for a bullied child. And, in this case, "Bad" means "BAD." No way should you watch this movie while your kids sit around you, sipping hot chocolate.
• "Bell, Book and Candle." Not rated. (1958): Manhattan witch Kim Novak casts a love spell on publisher James Stewart because she has a grudge against his girlfriend. Snowy New York is gorgeous with Novak and Stewart kissing on Christmas morning atop the Flatiron Building. The comedy offers witty insights into how true love slips into even sophisticated, wary hearts.
• "Gremlins." Rated PG-13. (1984): This may be the Christmas geek classic. Director Joe Dante's hit (produced by Steven Spielberg) about a cuddly creature presented as gift tops best Christmas movie lists from Flavorwire, Wired and GamesRadar. Along with "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," "Gremlins" is considered the reason the PG-13 rating was created because its scenes of violence were too much for a PG rating, but not enough for R.
• "Holiday Heart." Not rated. (2000): Produced by Robert de Niro as a Showtime movie, it stars Ving Rhames as a compassionate drag queen who helps a drug-addicted prostitute (Alfre Woodard) raise her daughter. Yes, it's a feelgood movie.
Mel Gibson in the film "Lethal Weapon."• "Lethal Weapon." Rated R. (1987): Hey, what says Christmas more than trying to make a cocaine deal in a Christmas tree lot, then pumping multiple pieces of lead into the dealers when it all goes south? And that's the second scene in "Lethal Weapon," the buddy-cop movie starring Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. The first scene features a drugged-out hooker jumping off a balcony - lined with Christmas lights, of course - and landing with a powerful thump! on a car roof. Happy holi-daze.
• "Eyes Wide Shut." Rated R. (1999): Stanley Kubrick's tale of bizarre sexual and moral discovery - which takes place all in one night at Christmastime, just like Scrooge - finds Tom Cruise learning that his wife (Nicole Kidman) has had fantasies about cheating on him, so he goes cruising through New York and its suburbs, trying to fulfill his own fantasies. What he learns, though, is that there is all sorts of weird stuff happening just behind the expensive, civilized facades. The film's sex scenes were so graphic, the film almost got an X rating before Kubrick made some changes. Talk about putting the X in Xmas.
• "The Lion in Winter." Not rated. (1968): Family drama at Christmas doesn't get more verbally or emotionally brutal (or bleakly funny) than this film in which consummate actors Peter O'Toole and Katherine Hepburn chew the scenery into shards. Both were nominated for acting Oscars and Hepburn won (tied with Barbra Streisand in "Funny Girl," the only time that's ever happened). O'Toole plays King Henry II as he makes his annual visit to his estranged and imprisoned wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine, played by Hepburn. Once together with their three sons, the political machinations run deep and draw blood.
• "Trading Places." Rated R. (1983): Con men at Christmas - and it has a happy ending that involves lots of money. What could say "Merry Christmas" any better?
Contact Lynda Edwards at ledwards@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6391.