Faith Focus: Being a pastor with children means facing many trials

The ministry comes complete with many joys - and also with many trials.

A pastor is a man with a wonderful and vibrant life -- and also a man who is vulnerable in ways that no one else can begin to fully appreciate and understand.

Nowhere is that more true, I suppose, than in the matter of his children.

My wife and I had about two years of ministry under our belts when our first child (and the first baby in the history of the church) came along. Two more came in the next few years. I am now the pleased-as-punch father of a wonderful teenage boy and two precious girls a bit younger than him.

Let me state up front that no one ever really warned me.

I would not trade the ministry for any other life task. But I do wish someone had told me going into it that having children in the ministry is a great risk and provides for many tense moments.

Please do not misunderstand; my church is very good to my wife and I and to my three children. But through the years I have learned that the devil loves to try and get to pastors through their children.

I remember some years ago, my wife came into the office with a homicidal look on her face. Once I got her calmed down, she brought our son in, who was very little at the time. As it turns out, a man (no longer with us) had seen him engage in some horrible toddler transgression and had physically yanked him up by the arm, leaving a nasty bruise. There is one reason I am not in prison today: The man had left the premises that day before I found out about it -- and I had cooled down considerably by the following week.

On another occasion, a very angry woman (also no longer with us) came screaming into the office because one of my children had "pushed her child into a pew." I was ready to deliver some very needed discipline when a dear old lady came in and said, "Pastor, that is not true. Her child was running and tripped going around a corner and hit her head."

What would my child have thought if that discipline had come for a transgression that did not even occur?

My children are growing up. They have flaws, insecurities and are trying to figure out life like everyone else's kids. They do not have halos, but they have no horns, either.

And my church currently is doing one of the greatest things anyone can do for a pastor: They are letting my kids be normal kids. They invite them over; they love on them; they praise them when they do right, and they let my wife and I deal with them when they do wrong.

You do understand, I hope, that a pastor and his wife are, if they have kids, first and foremost a mom and dad? They would never discipline your kids, so never presume to do so to theirs.

My son cleans the house. All of it. Voluntarily and well. He took it upon himself to learn to play instruments because he loves the Lord and loves church.

My oldest daughter can often be found reading her Bible during the day just because she loves the Lord. All the little kids in church adore her, and she makes them all feel like the most special person in the room.

My youngest daughter is taking piano lessons, not because she wants to, but because she is naturally good at it, and I asked her to serve to Lord by taking lessons. She spends hours each week at it when she would rather be goofing off.

I am blessed. And I am grateful to a church who loves my three blessings. Do your own pastor a great service: Love his children. They live in a glass house, so please at least make sure that, when they come to church, they are glad they came.

Bo Wagner is pastor of the Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, N.C., and the author of several books which are available at wordofhismouth.com. Contact him at 2knowhim@cbc-web.org.

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