5-at-10: SEC items of interest, Fab 4 picks, UNC trouble, Rushmore of Weird Al songs

Gang, hope the week has progressed to your satisfaction.

From the "Talks too much" studios, those mailbag questions are not going to write themselves, you know?

photo SEC Southeastern Conference

SEC items of interest

We tried on Wednesday to have at least one "Nationwide, we're on your side" jingle like in Peyton Manning's commercial in every segment of Press Row. We succeeded. We'll continue that with the kicker of each of the SEC items of interest, so sing the last line like Peyton's "Chicken Parm you taste so good."

1) Can UT generate any points?

Alabama has been a different team on the road for whatever reason, but that difference has mainly affected the offense. The Tennessee offense has been sadly consistent, and the lack of time and running lanes against serious opponents has been equally frustrating regardless of the locale. So, against an Alabama defensive front seven that tortured Texas A&M last week and features several future NFL players, will the Vols be able to move the football? "Jalen Hurd, we need you now."

2) Ole Miss goes to Death Valley

Les Miles has lost three night games at home in his time with the Tigers. All three of those teams were ranked No. 1 at some point during the season. Ole Miss could fit the bill in both regards, eventually, but will only get to the latter by becoming the fourth loss for the Mad Hatter and his improving Tigers. The simple question here is how will the LSU QB tandem of Jennings and Harris handle the Ole Miss front seven. And Hugh Freeze sings, " Man, I love the Nkemdiches."

3) Spurrier vs. Malzahn

Offensive geniuses with visors to match. Spurrier is the best quote in the league and maybe the country. Malzahn is the fastest. Spurrier's offense is better with Mike Davis. Malzahn needs his offense to be better on first down. The Tigers are a 17-point favorite, and somehow it feels fundamentally wrong to give a Steve Spurrier coached team 17 points, you know? Auburn fans everywhere: "Boy, this feels like a trap game."

4) Mississippi State on the road

Say it with us, your top-ranked Mississippi State Bulldogs take their show and Heisman frontrunner Dak Prescott to Lexington for a CBS game. Which of those facts - No. 1-ranked MSU Bulldogs, Heisman frontrunner Dak Prescott or MSU-Kentuckty being the CBS game - would have been the longer longshot in August? Crazy. MSU's improbable run has been anchored by as many as 11 seniors that are in their third seasons as starters, and that type of experience has to help on the road. And Dan Mullen sings, "Not talking 'bout the Gators job."

5) Arkansas venting its frustrations

Arkansas should have beaten Texas A&M. The Hogs were within a point of taking Alabama to OT. They got railroaded last week by the freshman train known as Nick Chubb. Bret Bielema and Co are still looking for their first SEC win. This week against UAB, that goal can't be attained, but it will be interesting to see if Arkansas is frustrated or if they take out those frustrations on the Blazers. And Bielema sings, "Chicken Parm is really good."

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Fab four picks

Don't call it a comeback, we've been here for years. (Tip of the Kangol to LL Cool J, with much respect.)

Seriously, after last week's 4-2 mark against the number - a successful run that was needed and quite entertaining - we have inched back to .500 on the year. Yes, these picks are for entertainment only, and yes, with entertainment broker fees, a .500 record is still losing money.

But, after picking games in this space since the beginning of the 2011 season, the Fab Four (plus 1... or more) picks still are better than 60 percent. And that's highly entertaining.

And remember, as we alway suggest, you enhance your entertainment value by buying the entertainment hook when the spreads are 3, 7, 10 and 14. Deal? Deal.

photo Football tile

Last week: 4-2 against the spread

This year: 24-24 against the spread

Since 2011: 235-134-5 against the spread

Cincy minus-10 over South Florida: The Bearcats have been sneaky good and can really throw the ball with Notre Dame transfer Gunner Kiel. Side note: Did you know that South Florida's back-up QB is named Steven Bench. A back-up QB named Bench, that's awesome.

Rice minus-14 over North Texas: After an 0-3 start that included losses to Notre Dame and Yexas A&M, Rice has been cooking. (See what we did there? Nice, huh?) Rice has won three straight - each by at least two touchdowns - and North Texas has lost three straight by at least double digits and is 0-3 on the road with an average margin of defeat of more than 30 points. Yes please.

Georgia Southern minus-16.5 over Georgia State: OK, follow along. Let's say Team A, we'll call them Roargia Northern, leads the nation in rushing at 372 yards per game and is No. 11 in the country in scoring with better than 41 points a night. Let's say Team B, we'll call them Roargia Late, is in the bottoms five nationally, allowing 40 points per game, has lost six straight and has allowed opponents to run for more than 240 yards a game. We like Team A by way more than 17, right? Right. Entertaining indeed.

Memphis minus-23 over SMU: We're here, SMU's dear, get used to it. Take away the inexplicable 24 points the Mustangs scored in a 45-24 loss to ECU, and SMU has three field goals and a Hail Mary TD pass in its other five games. We love you Smoo.

South Alabama minus-14 over Troy: Troy, we have not made the most of your stinkiness. Troy is in the bottom 15 in scoring offense and scoring defense. That's an entertaining combination in our book, especially on the road against a team fighting for a conference title that played poorly last week.

Boise State minus-6.5 over BYU: BYU was poised to spoil the playoff party until Taysom Hill broke his leg. With Hill, BYU was 4-0 and tied 14-14 late in the first half against Utah State. Since the injury, BYU has lost three - Utah State went on to win 35-20 after Hill's injury - and reeling. Now comes a trip to Boise on a short week against a physical bunch of Broncos.

Side note: We discussed last week teams that Vegas shades, and while there are two in our picks (Vegas loves Rice and Cincy this week) and one that we went against (Vegas is shading SMU this week as all the money is on Memphis and the line has dropped since Monday), there were about 10 others that we wanted to note and check. Remember, this system is purely based on numbers and emotionless and is 13-4 the last two weeks.

Here are the teams Vegas likes based on point-spread movements that were directly opposed to money trends in betting: UNC plus-7 over Virginia; Vandy plus-21 over Missouri; UNLV plus-17 over Utah State; Stanford minus-13.5 over Oregon State; Washington State plus-3 over Arizona; Southern Miss plus-10 over La. Tech; UTSA minus-10 over UTEP, La-Monroe minus-2.5 over Texas State; and Texas plus-10 over Kansas State.

Let's see what happens.

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UNC academic allegations

Man, it's tough to fathom the depths and the measures that two decades of academic fraud at UNC means.

Two decades? More than 3,100 students that took 'shadow classes.' (Heck, we went to Auburn, and we didn't know about shadow classes. We so would have been a shadow major.)

Roughly half of those 3,100 students were athletes in the scandal that ranked from 1993-2011, including several basketball players. And remember UNC won on three national titles during that stretch.

There were counselors who steered students to these classes, meaning this was more than just an athletic department scandal. But rest assured, the athletics department was well aware of the cooperation/gift grades the athletes were in line for by working with those involved, and this is directly from the report:

In one email to a football operations coordinator, André Williams, during the second summer session of 2009, Cynthia Reynolds, the Associate Director for ASPSA and Director of Football, wrote that "Ms. Crowder is retiring at the end of July . . . if the guys papers are not in . . . I would expect D's or C's at best. Most need better than that . . . ALL WORK FROM THE AFAM DEPT. MUST BE DONE AND TURNED IN ON THE LAST DAY OF CLASS." As reflected in that email, the football counselors were painfully aware that many of their charges would not get the grades they "need" to remain eligible if someone other than Crowder graded their papers.

Dear goodness, this is deep and messy and it could greatly affect UNC's accreditation.

And if the NCAA were still alive, there'd likely be serious ramifications.

Side question: In the realm of college sports where we pretend they are still student-athletes, wouldn't this be the equivalent of a serial killer. If the NCAA was ever going to use the death penalty or whatever its nuclear punishment is, shouldn't it be for this?

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This and that

- Kansas City evened the World Series with a late rally and a 7-2 win in Game 2. Side note: Game 1 was the least watched World Series opener since, well, ever. Not good.

photo Will Muschamp

- Man, what did we do before the interweb. Some crafty Florida fan has put Will Muschamp's job on an internet job board. Here's the story, and among the qualifications are that you not be a UGa grad or be named Zook. Jomo, you interested.

- The NFL in particular and football in general is going to have a very hard time convincing people that its serious about concussions when the players are not serious about concussions. Jamaal Charles ducked the concussion protocol after a wicked hit last Sunday to stay in the game. Charles said he did not have a concussion but he saw light bulbs around his eyes and was trying to catch them. The NFL doesn't care of course because the league's only looking for plausible deniability.

- The Tennessean reported that Zach Mettenberger will start for the Titnas Sunday against the Texans, who have J.J. Watt and are expecting Jadeveon Clowney back in the lineup. Wow, what did Mettenberger do to the Whisenhunt family to deserve that?

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Today's Question

photo Weird Al Yankovic

Happy birthday Weird Al Yankovic, a true innovator. Dude found his niche and became the Coca-Cola of song parodies.

Tip of the Visor for that.

What's our Rushmore of Weird Al songs. We're thinking "I'm Fat" - the parody of Michael Jackson's "I'm Bad" is a no-brainer - and if you're like us with young tots and have the XM Radio where they have a Kids Place channel, you know Al's "I'm So Handy" off the current hit "I'm So Fancy" is also quite good.

Go - and remember the mailbag.

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