Opinions: Domestic violence survivor to lead discussion at UTC's Oakwood Amphitheater

photo domestic violence

TAKE BACK THE NIGHTKate Price, a survivor of commercial sexual exploitation, will share her story at "Take Back the Night," at 7 p.m. Oct. 15 at UTC's Oakwood Amphitheater. After the talk, a march against violence will take place through the Fort Wood district, ending with a candlelight vigil.

The shocking video of a woman knocked unconscious by her partner - an NFL star athlete - in an elevator and photos of cuts on a 4-year-old boy's body at the hands of his father - another NFL star - put a spotlight on domestic violence and family abuse in recent weeks. But months before these incidents sparked outrage and public debate here and across the nation, city officials, advocates and service providers began work on the creation of a Family Justice Center -- a local solution to domestic violence and its tragic effects.

FROM A SURVIVOR

One of my earliest memories was sitting in the closet with my mom. She would pretend to be interested in playing dolls, but I knew what we were really doing. We were hiding. From my father. Even as an adult, I can't conjure any memories of my childhood that are free of fear. Trips to the mall, holidays, dinner table, snow days. All childhood memories carry something in common for me -- the fear that one of us (my mom, my older sister, myself) would make a tiny, unknown mistake and suffer the wrath of my father. The wrath was never rational or predictable. I never knew when it would strike, or how. Sometimes it was worse when he had been drinking, but sometimes it was better. The constant fear and anxiety made me a nervous child. I developed anxiety-related conditions doctors could never quite diagnose. The normal butterflies-in-the-stomach of a new experience, something most kids anticipated, would cause me to vomit or pee in my pants. My parents were far too young to have two small children. They were raised in dysfunctional families and had no idea how to parent. My father had no idea how to love or respect another person. He thought being a good father and husband meant being the disciplinarian, but his discipline was abuse. Slaps to the face, closed-fist hits to our arms and legs, shoves to the ground, with insults peppered throughout. While some daughters walk away from childhood feeling pretty, smart and treasured, I walked away from childhood feeling ugly, stupid and worthless. But at least I walked away. I was jealous of my friends whose parents got divorced. While some kids would pray at night for help on a math test or a fun birthday party, I asked God to give my mom the strength to leave my father (she never did). That anxiety and fear as a child turned to anger and rebellion as a teenager. I hated my father, and I wanted him to know it. The suffering I shared alongside my mom turned to rage against her. How could you let him treat us this way? Why are you so weak? Aren't you supposed to protect us? I ran away from home several times. I dropped out of school, got my GED, and I sent myself through college, sometimes working three jobs, just to prove I did not need anyone's help to succeed (especially my father's). I have spent my adult years trying to understand how and why my family was different from (or the same as) other families. Sometimes I am indignant and sometimes forgiving. I catch myself making excuses for both Mom and Dad; I even did it a few paragraphs ago. But I don't think I'll ever really understand or forgive. As much as I hate to say it, I am a family violence success story. I endured and survived without any visible scars. People passing me on the street would never know. My coworkers and friends don't know. I even broke the infamous cycle and married a loving man who respects me tremendously. My scars are inside. I often feel like running away, conflict makes me shiver, and I'm constantly trying to please others. I never think I'm good enough, and I carry the fear that someone will find out and judge me, or worse, pity me. When asked to share my story with the paper, I said no. Then I said yes, but with one condition, that I would not provide my name. Because even though I know it wasn't my fault and that I could help countless people by putting a face to this kind of abuse, I just can't do it. Not my face, not my name, not yet. For now, decades later, I guess I'm still just trying to survive -- sitting in a dark closet, hiding from my father. Perhaps that's the real legacy of family violence.

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photo Andy Berke

From the mayor

In May, a 20-year old mother was tragically shot and killed by her boyfriend in Chattanooga. In August, in a local hospital, a 3-year-old girl died of injuries consistent with abuse. These stories, and many others like them, offend us to our core not only because of the senseless violence, but because our families should be the most trusted people in our lives. Too many people in our community are living in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Family violence occurs in every area of our community, regardless of ZIP code, race or socioeconomic level. The statistics are staggering. In 2012, across the state of Tennessee, there were 81,884 victims of domestic violence. Over 3,000 of those victims live in Hamilton County. And the trend shows an increase. From 2011 to 2012, there was an increase in domestic violence in our region, including stalking, intimidation, aggravated assault and murder. In fact, in 2012, over half of all aggravated assault calls in our city were family violence-related. And we know that those numbers don't accurately capture the long-term effect on families. In recent focus groups, young mothers described the challenges they face on a daily basis. One single mom from Hixson told me about the difficulty she has disciplining her son because she was a victim of family violence. We can make a difference for these families. Upon taking office, we went to work to address this cycle of violence. I hired a public safety coordinator and received a three-year grant to research a Family Justice Center in Chattanooga. By partnering with well-established advocacy and services organizations, we will provide victims with a wide range of services offered by a diverse group of agencies in one centralized location. We reached out to the public, and mobilized volunteers. A few months ago we hired an executive director, and before the end of this year, we will announce a future location for the Family Justice Center. We know which innovative policing tactics work, from building closer relationships with service providers to conducting a lethality screen that asks critical questions designed to identify the most dangerous offenders before a conflict escalates. We also know the delivery of services is crucial. Individuals in danger, ready to escape an unsafe relationship, must have a safe place for themselves and their families. And now we are hard at work, putting this knowledge into action to break the cycle of violence for families throughout Chattanooga. Andy Berke is the mayor of Chattanooga.

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photo Valerie Radu

From a social educator

TO LEARN MOREA free community training session on the Family Justice Center model will be held Sept. 30 from 8:30 to 11:30 a.m. and again from 1 to 4 p.m. in the EPB Community Room at 10 W. M.L.K. Blvd. To register, call 423-643-7823.

When I recently accepted the position of executive director for the future Family Justice Center, there was much I didn't know. Where will the building be located? Which partner organizations will be housed in the same location? What about police services, shelter services and other support? But there were a few things I knew without a doubt: One in four women will experience violence in her lifetime. Every 13 minutes a child is reported abused or neglected. And it's what I did know that made me jump at the opportunity to make a difference. I am the daughter of an ordained minister and a public health nurse. My parents taught me that dignity and respect are the highest honor we can give each other, and I knew, at an early age, service to the community had to be part of my life. Choosing social work as a professional career instilled in me a commitment to the values of justice, advocacy and social change. To leave violent situations, victims of family violence need access to a variety of services. They need immediate help, from medical and legal to social service resources. Their list of primary needs is long, complex and urgent: security, legal advice, counseling, child care, group support, transitional shelter and job training. And once our doors are open, the Family Justice Center will meet these needs in one central, safe location, providing a dependable foundation for victims to move past abuse. We will make it easier for victims to leave a violent situation and get the services they desperately need. I am lucky to partner with long-standing organizations that have built a foundation for the Family Justice Center, a foundation that will ultimately help ensure our success. Their hard work and dedication to ending the cycle of violence is inspiring, and I'm proud to be a part of this work. We can't do it alone. We need the support of law enforcement, community leaders, faith organizations and advocacy groups. It will take our whole community, working as one, to put an end to the tragic cycle of violence. Valerie Radu is executive director of the Family Justice Center.

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photo Christie Mahn Sell

From the bench

Domestic violence is unique to the criminal justice system in that virtually every criminal occurrence involves a personal relationship between the perpetrator and victim. Consequently, this criminal process often has more far-reaching and emotional consequences for both the defendant and victim. Unfortunately, these unforeseen or unintended consequences generally influence the victim's decision whether to proceed against a defendant. Understanding this phenomenon is imperative so that those in the judicial system do not further victimize or impose decisions that may cause additional unintended harm. For example, is a victim recanting or refusing to testify or failing to appear because an alleged act never happened? Or because consequences such as unemployment and financial hardship will befall the family if the victim chooses to press charges? Many times it's a matter of the victim loving and forgiving the defendant, foregoing prosecution after time has passed, tempers have cooled and life is "back to normal." Worse yet, victims refuse to cooperate because of fear of subsequent abuse. These decisions are made by victims every day; they are virtually unknown to a judge and certainly to society, as is a previous history of domestic violence. Unlike the recent Ray Rice case, there are generally no videos and most abuse occurs in private. Evidence is often limited to a police officer taking a statement and gathering visible signs of injury or damage to the surroundings. Therefore, cases are frequently dismissed. But just because cases are dismissed does not mean we, as a community or judicial system, should throw up our hands. With a greater awareness of the issue of domestic violence, we can offer resources, such as those available in domestic violence court and elsewhere in the community. The potential for domestic violence court and other domestic violence programs is almost immeasurable. We must use the tragic events like Ray Rice as an opportunity to teach our youth about healthy relationships as well as educate our community about this epidemic and how it affects all of us. The results of family violence are far-reaching. Children of domestic violence have trouble focusing and learning in school which, in turn, affects other children in the classroom. Our future workforce and employers lose highly trained workers. On and on, we see the ripple effect of domestic and family violence. I believe, by shining a light on this important issue and putting the right resources in place, we can make significant strides to reduce the frequency of domestic violence and improve the lives of families throughout Chattanooga. Christie Mahn Sell is a Hamilton County General Sessions Court judge involved in the Family Justice Center.

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