Tom Tozer and Bill BlackWe think it's safe to say that, when parents speak of teaching their children to be tolerant, most prefer that their sons and daughters reflect the boundaries of mom and dad's personal preferences. But we wonder if that is properly preparing our young people for the world in which they will live.
Preparing our kids to thrive in their emerging world may mean shedding some our own biases. We are reminded of the snake that, over time, emerges from its old skin and takes on a new outer covering. It is the same creature; however, it has traded old skin for new in order to survive in an often-hostile, ever-evolving environment.
Lesser animals learn to adapt to gradual changes -- if not, they die. Humans are able to reason; thus, they can come up with 100 reasons to hold onto the status quo.
That might explain, in part, the natural tension between parents and children. Kids can't wait to shed the family coat and shrug on their own. They are influenced by new products, concepts and ideas. Mom and dad are comfortable in their own worn and battle-scarred skin. They're clinging to what they know and hold dear, while junior is learning another language, attracted to new sights, sounds, tastes, perspectives and world views.
The world is changing. Individuals who reflect different lifestyles than what might be comfortable for us are gaining entrance through societal doors that are opening more widely. Our country isn't so much a melting pot in which is formed an unrecognizable glob of backgrounds, cultures and beliefs. Rather, it is a tossed-salad nation. Individual differences, which add flavoring to the mix, are being celebrated more and more. People of all persuasions are standing up and demanding to be recognized and, if not loved or admired by everyone, at least respected as equal shareholders in this land of liberty.
To some, this metamorphosis is unsettling and perhaps even loathsome. However, if we look at our history from afar, we can see that change is inevitable, adaptation is a survival tool, and acceptance -- call it "tolerance"-- brings order and peace. Yes, order and peace frequently come at a price; but the price is not anarchy.
What does all of this mean for weary parents? It means when you finally let go of those parental strings -- and you must -- your sons and daughters will stumble, veer off and perhaps go in other directions. Part of your job while they are still living under your roof is to cut them some slack, allow them to follow their curiosities, explore where neither mom nor dad has gone before, and encourage them to think for themselves.
Guess what, your children will do that with or without you. Wouldn't you prefer to trust the solid foundation you laid during their formative years and go exploring with them?
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of the book "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.