It's all about our selfies.
You may think we're talking about our smartphone cameras, but we're actually more concerned with discussing how we understand and feel about ourselves. We've enlisted the help of Dr. Ellen Slicker for this discussion, professor of professional counseling at Middle Tennessee State University and private-practice psychologist. She has shared some of her research, citing Dr. David Elkind, psychologist and educator, in his book, "Egocentrism in Adolescence."
To begin with, we know that the teen years are especially fraught with over-sensitivity and self-consciousness. These are awkward years when most kids desperately want to belong, to be liked and to be noticed. They also do not want to be singled out, stared at or even be visible. Hardly makes any sense, does it? They want their cake ... and not eat it, too. The term "awkward years" seems highly appropriate.
Sometimes we talk about our "self-concept." Slicker says this is the combination of self-understanding and self-esteem, additional terms with which we are familiar. "Self-understanding" means how we think about ourselves and "self-esteem" is how we feel about ourselves. The latter phrase has more to do with how we evaluate and/or measure ourselves.
"In adolescence, self-understanding becomes abstract and idealistic," Slicker explains. An adolescent might describe himself as trustworthy or loyal, and those descriptions may also include other people's opinions of them, she says.
"They can use different descriptors of themselves in different situations; e.g., 'I'm funny when I'm with friends, but serious in class.'"
Adolescents also can see the discrepancy between their real selves and their ideal selves.
"Another significant aspect of self-understanding is being preoccupied with self-exploration," Slicker says.
In our way of thinking, this one looms large with teenagers because, as Slicker points out, it is synonymous with self-consciousness. "The adolescent believes that everyone is looking at her, and that others can see every flaw and mistake she makes." Haven't we all been there at one time or another?
Citing Elkind, Slicker calls this "the imaginary audience." There is this egocentric belief that everyone is as interested in our teens as they are in themselves. According to Elkind, this egocentrism occurs from ages 13 to 16 and is stronger in girls than boys.
Slicker attributes Elkind with coining the term "personal fable," another characteristic of adolescence.
"The personal fable tells the adolescent that his experiences are unique, that no one can possibly understand what he is going through, and no one ever has had such a horrible experience as he is having."
Another aspect of the personal fable is the young person's sense of invulnerability--the "it won't happen to me" syndrome. Hey, mom and dad, sound familiar?
Finally, the self-esteem component is how the child feels about himself.
"Whatever the adolescent's evaluation of himself, there will inevitably be an emotional reaction to that evaluation, be it positive or negative," Slicker explains.
Thankfully, in most adolescents the higher self-esteem in some areas counterbalances the lower self-esteem in others.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.