Author Jeanne Phillips, the daughter of the original advice columnist Dear Abby, poses for a photo in Los Angeles, Friday, Oct. 5, 2007.DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Wayne," kept a huge secret from me. We have been off and on for 14 years but on for the past four. He had a child with a woman in a different country. The child is now 9. Wayne didn't mention it until four years ago, during our last breakup. It bothers me that he kept it from me. I have since met the woman and child, but my trust in my boyfriend is strained. I keep wondering what else he hasn't told me. He was always against having kids. Now I wonder if it was because he already had one. Wayne is surprised I'm so challenged by this. He says he and the woman dated only a few months then broke up because they weren't compatible. She told me their child was the product of a one-night stand. I don't know who to believe. Please advise. -- BETRAYED OUT WEST
DEAR BETRAYED: There is a reason why you and Wayne have been "off and on" for 14 years, and I'm guessing it's because he has a problem with commitment. Now it appears he has a problem leveling with you. I think you should believe the mother of his child because by telling you what she did, it's clear she wasn't trying to make herself look any better.
DEAR ABBY: My 85-year-old mother told me that she is leaving each of her children a letter expressing how they have hurt her throughout the years. Never once has she acknowledged how deeply she hurt us. It affected our childhood and adulthood. I, for one, plan to put her unopened letter in her coffin to be buried with her when the time comes. Am I wrong? -- ALREADY WOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ALREADY WOUNDED: You're not wrong. Your mother is toxic. Sending her negativity down with her is a perfect solution.
DEAR ABBY: I am an Irish-American man with a problem of the heart. I recently began reconnecting on social media with a girl I knew in high school. I wrote her several times, and she said what I wrote was very sweet and kind. She told me, however, that she was seeing someone. I said I understood and did not want to mess up the relationship.
I decided to bide my time and hope she becomes free. I love her with all my heart, and this waiting is killing me. Should I keep biding my time and waiting, or should I move on? -- HOPING IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HOPING: When the woman told you she was seeing someone, she may have been trying to tell you kindly that she isn't interested in a romance with you. For you to put your life on hold waiting for a woman you haven't seen since high school would be a mistake, and that's why I'm advising you to move on.