What part of the College Station experience is troubling Johnny Football the most? The big man on campus status. The 24/7 VIP treatment. Perhaps it's the legions of adoring co-eds. Walk it off Johnny, you're not getting any sympathy.
Octopus pants? Release the Kraken...Where am I going with this?
I would like a Riverbend mulligan. I was out of town during the 2006 festival and missed performances by The Allman Brothers Band and Derek Trucks Band. Multiple people have told me the Allmans did a great set that night and Trucks lit it up as usual. The Allman camp had a falling out with Bonaroo organizers, so the geographic proximity clause would not be a problem. And yes they have already been here, but in the South you can never have too much Allman Brothers.
Fair warning, if you include Derek Dooley on your reverse Rushmore of SEC football coaches, be aware that Barbara will swing by to yell at you for a while. Many Tennessee fans gloated about Barbara Dooley wearing orange on Saturdays over the last few seasons. Most Georgia fans were of the relieved mindset that she is their problem now. Bulldog Nation still loves Vince, but even Coach Richt has grown weary of Barbara.
I see Curley Hallman is the front-runner on the reverse Rushmore. I met an LSU fan in Athens a few years ago that told me a story concerning a Bayou Bengal fan killing a small portable television set at a tailgate in Baton Rouge. A Golden Flake commercial featuring Coach Hallman came on and pushed this guy right over the edge. He threw the television, kicked and punched it, all the while using language that would make a longshoreman blush. That is some genuine anger right there.
As for Ray Goff...As a coach, he was a nice guy. As a quarterback, he was a pretty good scrambler.
Enough about this Jim Jebow fella...I want to know where Tom Treebow star quarterback of The University of the Peninsular State Just Below Georgia signed on to play pro-ball.
If you are not a fan of "Squidbillies" just disregard this post.
Reading Jay's Rushmore of non-sports movies leaves me with only one question in mind: "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?" I know old movie quotes are popular around here and I could not resist. "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"
Concerning international sports events I would like to witness first-hand, I will go with women's beach volleyball in Brazil.
Concerning things I never thought I would see and now have, an Auburn graduate being accused of loving the Crimson Tide too much. Next stop, Bizarro World. The cats bark, black is white and Auburn fans yell "roll tide".
Jay, you are to be commended for your choice of A-Rod photos for this installment of the five-at-ten. Some things still make my skin crawl, and those shots of Rodriguez staring lustily at himself in a mirror, not to mention the one in which he kisses himself, are near the top of the list of things that just creep me out. Thanks for the selective editing. Big egos are not uncommon in professional sports. A-Rod is a different creature all together. Hey Alex, Narcissus just called and he said you need to bring it down a couple of notches.
And on the subject of goofball baseball players, John Rocker has been mentioned a few times here today. I ran into Rocker at Harrah's Casino in New Orleans on New Year's Eve 2002. He's a weird guy even by NOLA standards. The thousand-mile stare. Twitchy head movements. He is always "bowed up" like he's looking to fight. To quote Hank Hill: "That boy ain't right."
Todd, I think the time for a national campaign is now. I have an early suggestion for a slogan to get the ball rolling: Political Correctness, It's Malignant.
Steven Seagal International Diplomat? His diplomacy skills could not be any worse than his acting skills. Did anyone else see where Seagal recently took credit for teaching UFC fighter Anderson Silva the moves he used to win a fight. The chop-saki thespian then followed that by challenging Randy Couture to a fight. So Seagal has an overinflated ego, smug sense of self-importance and has not done anything of note in years...Heck, I'm surprised he's not in congress. He has all the qualifications.
As for other bad idea celebrity international delegates, I'm thinking we should keep Mel Gibson away from any middle east peace talks.
And concerning the well written television shows I think "The Sopranos" is the most challenging to properly place in history. The first two seasons I would rank number one all-time. After that, I don't know if it would even crack the top ten. That show fell off fast.
"My understanding of the concrete polls (or poles, if you prefer), is that they are temporary, until the little trees grow up. Hope so. Vanna, can I buy an E?" --chas9
I read an article last night in which an Auburn official described the poles as a "stopgap" measure until the oaks could be replaced. The poles are not being erected (insert snicker here) as a permanent replacement.
I understand how tradition works and in college football tradition reigns supreme. However, from the outside looking in, I see pole dancing as an upgrade from tossing toilet paper. What's that old saying: When life gives you a bats**t crazy Bama fan, give it up for Velvet on the center stage. Or something like that.
Todd, you're in. Welcome to the burgeoning car wash empire that is Keepin' It Kleen.
Jay, focus man. We're on the fast track to fame and fortune. There is no time for strict adherence to grammatical rules. Daisy Dukes or daisy dukes? We could ask e.e. cummings, but he's dead. By the way, if any of your "entertainment" seekers get thirsty, we keep the good stuff behind the counter.
I just farted out what might be a great investment opportunity for anyone interested. The Keepin' It Kleen Carwash in Overland Park, Kansas. If the overzealous bureaucrats at the NCAA think the fair market value of a standard hose-and-bucket wash is $20, just think what we could charge for the "Workz Package". Soap, wax, wheel cleaning, a vacuum, and some of that Pina Colada spray...We're in the ballpark of $100 or more. A couple of high character ladies decked out in daisy dukes and a wet T-shirt working it will keep the tip-jars full. I'm gonna need to run that last part by HR.
Now's the time to get in on the ground floor of yet another "can't miss" business.