eljefe's comment history

eljefe said...

There's not enough eggnog in the world to make the Youklis signing taste any less bitter. Stupid Yankees!!!

December 12, 2012 at 10:49 a.m.
eljefe said...

Just when I though I was out ... the T-Pain crud pulled me back in! Look, let's get a few things straight:

  1. No one after Madden besides maybe Gruden really coached the Raiders while Al was alive. God bless 'em for trying.

  2. Mack Brown makes what he makes because he knows where the bodies are buried. Period. Is there actually fear he might coach somewhere else?!? It is ridiculous! Disclaimer: I met Mack and have a distant relation to him by marriage. He's a swell fella. His momma loved him. That said,it is obvious he is being paid more for what he is not doing (leaving and talking) than what he is doing (not winning).

  3. I cannot get too fired up about the draft. I waiver between a 1. and a 2. I distinctly remember a conversation with some Gator fans about Cam Newton where all I could do was smile and nod until I could check the internet. Overall, that worked out o.k.

In South FL there is a ton of talent. That said, if I had a nickel for every next big thing that did not make it or could not make the necessary grades to be admitted I'd have a lot of nickels.

  1. Every man I know married beyond his station. I know I did. Welcome to the Club.
January 25, 2012 at 4:24 p.m.
eljefe said...

When will the interim bowl results be ready? I'm out here in Colorado trying to maintain my status as the person furthest away from Chatta-Vegas reading this whole shebang. So the next time you walk in the boss's door looking for a raise you can say, "We got hits in all 4 time zones last year. ". Yeah. You're welcome.

December 29, 2011 at 9:36 p.m.
eljefe said...

For the sake of this discussion I am assuming that "evil" is not the only attribute. also, since it's the draft we have to cut away to Mel Kiper (who is also a resident of Hades):

Folks, I gotta go KJI.

  1. Actual sport's ability I'm going KGI. He is Korean. They tend to have strong showings in many Olympic activities. Well, at the least the ones that do not require height or driving skills. When was the last time the Saudis had any competitive athletes?

  2. KJI is a much better marketing brand than OBL. He has crossover appeal. From wigs to action figures he just has more options. Sure, you might by the OBL doll but who is going the buy the downtown pakistan "dream house" or "the cave?" Heck, he only has one outfit. What's he going to wear for road games?

  3. Somebody may have already covered this but while OBL was hiding in a cave or getting iced in his vacation home, KJI is standing on the balcony giving the business to the whole world with his crazy hair and "What's up now homeys?" attitude. He was the type of crazy that made truly insane people say, "I'm not messing with that dude." This is not even close.

  4. Finally, the key to evil is the look. Whether it's to scare the willies out of your enemies or just get your kids to "STOP fighting in the back seat of the bleepin' car!" a good evil look is essential. Think back to the news clips. OBL looks cold and tired. Nothing he said had passion or for that matter, inflection. KJI had a "you will never guess where I slept last night look" coupled with a language made for yelling at people. Heck, his actual facial features are 3 times smaller than his face. That's creepy to the infinite power.

That's why KJI is at the top of my Big Board.

December 19, 2011 at 12:10 p.m.
eljefe said...

It truly seems like there is a great sport's gift every year for different reasons. Having children and watching them get excited about sports is one of the greatest gifts a father can have.

The answer to name three Dolphins QB's since Marino left is also the answer to the names of Disney Dwarves that did not make the film's final cut: Crummy, Lousy and (expletive deleted).

Marino actually gave me a Christmas gift one year when I met him. By meeting him I mean he looked at me with utter contempt and had me and other so-called VIPs thrown out of the weight room at the Dolphins then-brand-new training facility in Davie, FL. Unfortunately, we needed to walk through the weight room to access the locker rooms. Ebenezer Marino aside it was a great time and really cool event.

Merry Christmas, Dan

December 13, 2011 at 3:17 p.m.
eljefe said...

Dear Nick Fairley,

We were all a little short on cash this year so we bought a group card.

  1. Thank you for allowing me to put Defensive Coordinator on National Championship Winning Team on my resume. I am certain to destroy programs for at least the next 5 years riding that wave. I'm going to Disney World! Your pal, Ted Roof.

  2. Nicky, missed you at the game this year. I wanted to thank you for slamming me on the turf and inspiring me to thrash your alma mater with 45 points. There are some things you cannot put a price tag on. Love, Aaron Murray.

  3. In retrospect maybe you should thank us for all the money you don't really have to play that often to receive. Happy Holidays from all of us here with The Detroit Lions.

And from all of us O-lineman in the SEC thank you for going pro!

Merry Christmas

December 12, 2011 at 12:30 p.m.
eljefe said...

So, I read yesterday's column late and it has camo's and hobos and all mixture of mirth and merriment and now, somehow we are talking about dancing? What's worse is Jay-Bird is now J-Lo ready to throwdown at the hoedown if someone pops off about the "e-slide."

Another slow news day indeed. That said, adios and adieu to Mr. Roof. I could not agree more with offering Rocker the job. In fact, Auburn landing him as the DC has just surpassed Larry Lucchino personally calling me to tell me the whole "Bobby V. thing was a prank" as the top spot on my Christmas wish list.

Senor Pujols, aye aye aye! Was this a teachable moment? Was the lesson "You should leave a storied organization with a rich history where you have equalled or surpassed the legendary status of none other than Stan Musial for the Angels of Anaheim?"

As I type this, those crafty Angels also signed C. J. Wilson. Here's guessing the over/under on Nolan Ryan punching someone in the face is 1.2 seconds.

December 8, 2011 at 11:50 a.m.
eljefe said...

I'll take your questions starting with the last. Personally knowing a Ronald McDonald I can tell you the young man was tormented. I just don't understand what his parents were thinking.

Also, I know it has been said but the best college football name ever is Barkevious Mingo. That is not a punter's name. He does not even need a nickname. Even if he did need one, I'm letting him pick his own.

I am not surprised Auburn only had one All SEC player but I would be evn more surprised to learn his name was something other than Michael Dyer. There is no way Tennessee has 2 all SEC players unless the rankings have some prosepective talent formula of which I am unaware.

Give the Heisman Trophy to Mathieu. Yeah, I said it and now it's on the internet where it will never die. I still would rather bang my head against the wall than watch LSU succeed but I still believe in certain fundamental principles. One of which is the Heisman trophy is given to the best player in college football that year. I am not so concerned about whether the winner will be an NFL success. Brief argument: The young man has always performed in every game and against the best in college football. I will concede that before the LSU/Arkansas game and the SEC Championship I would have given it to Richardson.

Also, Tyrann Mathieu has to win some award for the most sissy sounding name for a football player. Maybe his parents should talk to the Mingos the next time they have to name a child.

December 6, 2011 at 12:19 p.m.
eljefe said...

30 comments. No too shabby. As for Booby V. (yes I meant to spell it that way) I am very dismayed. I understand all the arguments for a "strong presence" in the clubhouse but this is way past insane and well on its way to the intentional destruction of an institution. The only possible solace is I will only have to suffer his ineptitude as a manger and not his irrational analysis on Baseball Tonight. Lord, save your servant.

I refuse to come around to the idea Alabama deserves to be in the Championship Game unless LSU loses to Georgia. If you cannot handle your business at home you do not get a Mulligan. Sorry Nick, thanks for playing. Go crush some hapless opponent in a bowl game and prepare better for next year.

You cannot blame Miami's problems on their quarterback but you can sure argue he helped them implode. They stink as a team. Period.

Meyer is yet another of those "squeaky clean" appearing coaches that is probably biting the heads off rodents and sacrificing virgins when the cameras are off. However, since he is a media darling we don't think about "what we don't know." Saban is brash and in people's faces. He was hammered because it was a slow news day and he was so direct in his denial it was lcear he was lying. The better question is why would you want to coach in the NFL when you could be revered as a diety on a college campus?

November 29, 2011 at 11:41 a.m.
eljefe said...

First, you're a big man telling me to "zip it" 1000 miles away over the intertubes. I also noticed you did not tell Weena or 33wannnabe to "zip it." If yer scared ... say "scared." Second, Tebow is less than 3. My argument is the honeymoon will end quickly with the fans. Right now, the argument for him to play and start is "How could we be worse with Tebow at starting QB?" That question will not take more than 3 years to answer. Third, I am taking UT 15-14. I was going to take 17-14 but "memphisexile" doesn't need me riding his coat tails or any "who is the winner controversy."

My potential mail bag question is this: Assume Oklahoma State does not handle its business against Oklahoma. I know and share your feelings about a re-match between LSU and Alabama. So, who are your BCS championship matchups and why? I'll also add: I think Oregon should be excluded as a finalist for already losing so poorly to LSU no matter how they are playing now. I also believe that to be true even if LSU loses and does not get selected for the Championship.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do not like the Ducks or those God-forsaken uniforms.

November 17, 2011 at 10:48 a.m.

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