October is Pastor Appreciation Month, and I need to write about it.
Fair warning: this might come across as a rant at first, but I promise to resolve it with a happy ending. And for the record, I’m feeling quite loved and appreciated by my church, but I’ve heard a number of stories over the years that have prompted me to write this article.
Pastor Appreciation Month may seem like it’s another made-up Hallmark holiday, and that would be partially correct. However, it’s still a really good idea to appreciate your pastor. Despite the bad press a few of them get, most of them are heroes like few others in our communities.
Take, for example, weddings and funerals. People drop thousands of dollars on flowers and then maybe give the pastor a small tip for up to 40 hours of extra time spent, especially if you include travel. Few people I know would professionally survive indignities like this on a regular basis, and yet most pastors do it without complaint.
“But it’s their job to do weddings and funerals.”
It is, that’s true, but those events are almost always extra hours on top of what pastors already have to do every week. Please consider that pastors are in one of the most underpaid jobs in the country. Statistically, there’s a strong argument that even teachers have it better. This is especially true when you consider the stress, burnout and long hours necessary to get the job done as well as the credentialing (along with its expense) required by most denominations just to get started. Most pastors have to carry the pressure of being senior leaders in their organizations without the pay of a senior leader, all while giving a public performance each week that some find exhausting. Many have to navigate the soul-sucking dangers of church politics. All of them have the pressure of needing to be near perfect while under a constant spotlight, the effect of which is only compounded when they have a family.
Pastors aren’t perfectly innocent in perpetuating and exacerbating some of these problems for themselves, I know. And by nature of their job and who they are, they often shrink back from receiving most forms of appreciation. They signed up for this job to make sacrifices, and most I know are happy to do it. So what can we do to appreciate them?
This immediately brings to mind a funny story from years ago when I was just starting out in ministry. I was looking around the office of a pastor who was a mentor to me. I started pointing out a couple of different oddities on his shelf and asked, “Why do you have these in your office?”
“Adam, when you’re a pastor, people give you things because they love you and are appreciative of who you are and what you’ve done for them, and sometimes, that stuff is weird,” he told me.
That response provoked a good laugh, and I still smile when I think of the conversation. And yet, as a pastor, you do end up loving those weird gifts because of what they represent: Someone’s gratitude for how God used us to love others in His name.
But if you’re trying to avoid giving something weird this year, here are a few tips: Give your pastor permission to go home, and take something off their plate in a meaningful way. This is even better when done year round. When people volunteer in a way that takes ownership and brings quality ministry to the church, that helps a pastor feel appreciated for the long haul. Take what you’ve learned from your pastor and apply it as much as you can, especially in this ministry and service contexts mentioned above.
The next best thing you can do is to bless your pastor and his family. Pastor families are often apart from each other, or spending extra time at the church, even though the entire family isn’t employed by the church. Church work is almost always a whole family affair. This has a special way of bonding the family, but also taxing it. Make their role at church feel special, not wearisome. On top of this, if you (or a group of people from your church) can do something to let them get away to a fun activity, a meal together, or even an overnight getaway or vacation, they will all be profoundly grateful.
Finally, some pastors are nerds or have hobbies to help them unwind. These are really hard things to buy for, especially if it’s some niche-religious item you don’t even know exists, so just ask your pastor if there’s a particular nerd/hobby gift he’s been wanting. Better a wanted gift than a cheesy thing suggested by an Amazon algorithm.
But in the end, do what you can. Scripture says pastors are “worthy of double honor,” (1 Timothy 5:17) but even a little appreciation still goes a long way.
Adam Whitescarver is an executive forum chair, leadership coach and local pastor at Red Bank Cumberland Presbyterian. He welcomes comments and questions (which may be used for future columns) at AdamsColumn@gmail.com.