Life is expensive. Living well is not.
The high cost of everything is ubiquitous. Oddly, the more you possess, the more you spend. It also is true that “big stuff” is even more costly.
Possessions are one way we measure success. But there is another measure of success. It has to do with the simple things. Both require our time and effort.
As I grow older, like many men do, I have found many reasons to refine and refocus. Simple is looking better every day. More cars, more homes, more toys not only cost more in a world of rapidly increasing prices that are out of reach, but they will rust, decay and deteriorate.
Old age squeezes resources. Fewer resources mean fewer options. And that is a good thing.
Wendell Berry (1934-2026) knew this. One might evaluate his life based on his many rewards and published books. But he lived on a farm in Kentucky with his wife, Tanya, for almost 60 years.
Time is our most precious possession. Everyone has only so much of it. The question then becomes: “What do we value most?” There is a phrase, “high value reward,” used mostly in business and team building, that could be used in other applications.
My focus increasingly is turning to relationships and other accessible options that feed my soul.
Regrets can haunt you. One thing you hear from older men is that the one thing they do not regret is the time they spent on close relationships. Older people will say, “Now is the time to spend time with my wife or husband,” especially as they need more love and care. Those same people will almost always talk about and spend more time with children and grandchildren. Those people are also the ones who volunteer or simply spend time with vulnerable people.
Older people sense that there is a “fruit that remains.” Jesus highlighted this. Cultivating that fruit is all about the high value reward. Time spent with those we love and those in great need will become such fruit. Spouse, family and close friends need it. Young people need this to flourish. People in great distress need compassion and care to have comfort and hope.
All these require large investments of time. There isn’t another way. There isn’t another substitute. The coin of relationships is time. Listening doesn’t cost anything, but time.
But not every minute can be spent on others. All of us need to recharge our batteries. Sailing around the world sounds fun. However, I don’t have the time or money.
Instead, I like spending large blocks of time with my wife, Sally. It is her time. I like calling or texting grown kids and old friends. I like long walks. I like small talk with neighbors. I like reading and learning. I like flowers, birds and the turn of days from dawn to dusk. I like simple foods. I like writing. I like old things built well. I like a good conversation with a stranger. I like small dinners around the round table. I like weekly times with a small group of men. I like laughing. I like old music, old books and old movies. I like sitting in my chair and musing.
I really like spending time with God, communicating with him in all the ways I have, talking to him, feeling his smile, digging into his word, and dreaming.
It is a good life. My appetites have changed. In the simple life, less is more.
Doug Daugherty is a social entrepreneur and writer with deep roots in Chattanooga. He may be reached at: dedsr1952@gmail.com
