published Friday, April 1st, 2011

5 at 10: The methods of a good money handshake, Atlanta Braves and busted office brackets

Morning gang, happy Friday. That's right, it's Friday and that means time for the mailbag. Before we get to the emails, quick shoutouts to the wc-triple7s, kburgess and the slew of new folks that have stopped by the show this week. The 5-at-10 is a self-described family-oriented-Intertube-web-based-sports column, and the bigger the family the better. Plus, we're adding all those cool folks with the crazy email addresses that apparently can get us a big-time family discount on everything from Air Jordan(1-24) shoes to sunglasses and bikinis. (Don't do it, BIspy4.)

Anyhoo, hats off to the newcomers and welcome to the family gang — come back early and often. Plus, a shoutout to the regulars — you know who you are — that make writing this fun and checking back more fun. Hats off to you, too.

On to the mailbag, which if you're a regular follower of the 5-at-10, you know that SteelerFan normally starts us off. Today, though, the honor goes to scole023, who won our first annual Overrated/Underrated Bracket (that had to be decided in overtime because we nailed the overrated and stunk at the underrated part) Challenge. Sorry, Osograndeee.

  • photo
    Kentucky's Josh Harrellson (55) and Terrence Jones (3) defend on a shot by North Carolina's Leslie McDonald (2) during the first half of the final of the NCAA men's college basketball tournament East regional, Sunday, March 27, 2011, in Newark, N.J. (AP Photo/Julio Cortez)

Here we go.

From scole023

Happy April's Fools Day. Where does this come from? Does the 5-at-10 get this day off for religious reasons? Help us out here. And what are some of the best April Fools?

Thanks, and I'll hit send and listen.

scole023

P.S. What did I win (Derrick Williams is the man)?

Scole023,

Congrats again on winning the Overrated/Underrated Bracket (that had to be decided in overtime because we nailed the overrated and stunk at the underrated part) Challenge, we'll have a small gift package put together that includes a year subscription to the 5-at-10 and a Final Four T-shirt. Congrats.

As for the April's Fools Day lore, well, there are a lot of different theories, but it's commonly linked to the 16th Century when France adopted the Gregorian calendar and shifted New Year's Day from the end of March to Jan. 1. Some stubborn folks wanted to keep the New Year's Day in late March, and they celebrated anyway, so they were called April's Fools.

Some others believe, though, that the early forms of the BCS of 16th Century France saw the chance to draw all the college football bowl games together right around New Year's Day, and then-BCS chief Avrili Phol expertly used a clever PR campaign to get people to embrace the change. French university presidents were happy with this because they could pitch that the student-athletes would miss less class time with the bowl games moved up closer to the season. Under that theory, the day was originally called Avrili Phol's Day in honor of the then-BCS chief, but the language translation through the years has left us with April's Fools Day. Alas.

And no Wise-N-Hammer, the 5-at-10 staff does not get AFD off for religious observances, although we normally take a big chunk of National Potato Week off as a matter of principle.

As for the best April's Fools, there was the SI story about Sidd Finch, the fictional Mets' pitcher that threw 140 mph and only pitched wearing one boot. There was also the prank that Taco Bell pulled, buying a full-page ad in the New York Times in the 1990s claiming they had bought the Liberty Bell and were going to change the name to the "Liberty Taco Bell." (Somewhere a Tea Party member's head just popped off at the thought of that.) Also, Burger King introduced the "Left-handed Whopper" on April's Fools Day, and our TFP Facebook page has a pretty good one going right now (Join in the fun here https://www.facebook.com/timesfreepress).

That said, the thought of foolishness and Gregorian chants leads us in only one direction. That's right, a 5-at-10 Quick Top 5 — the best foolish fan heckles/chants:

— The original "Let's Go Hoyas, Clap, Clap, clap-clap-clap." Made famous at Georgetown, this one makes the list for sheer imitation value — everyone has some form of this one, including Austin Peay, who cleverly rallies the troops with "Let's Go Peay, Clap, Clap, clap-clap-clap."

— A dozen or so years ago, a friend of the show was in Durham for college football game between a Duke team that was something like 0-8 and visiting Wake Forest, which was roughly 1-7. With Duke well ahead late in the fourth quarter, the Duke student section starts chanting, "Over-RATE-ed, Clap, Clap, clap-clap-clap." Well played.

Wednesday of this week, the 5-at-10 was shooting hoops with 5-at-10 Jr., our 3-year-old son, on a Fisher Price goal. The 5-at-10 tried a behind-the-back shot — we may have been showing off. Maybe. Anyhoo, the 5-at-10 missed everything and 5-at-10 Jr. busted out the "AIR-ball, AIR-ball." Chip off the ol' block, huh?

At a first-round tournament site a few moons ago, the Duke faithful were waiting for the Blue Devils to play. In the game preceding Duke's, the Duke fans embraced the underdog — one Robert Morris University with chants of "Let's Go Bob, Clap, Clap, clap-clap-clap."

ROCK-CHALK-JAYHAWK. It fits the Gregorian lead-in, and when Cole Allen Fieldhouse is rocking with that slow chant, well, it's worth at least 6 points. Plus, we're a sucker for tradition.

  • photo
    This Dec. 27, 2005, file photo shows Auburn wide receiver Stanley McClover speaking with the media after college football practice for the Capital One Bowl, in Orlando, Fla. Four former Auburn players have told HBO's "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel" that they received thousands of dollars while being recruited by or playing for the Tigers. McClover, Troy Reddick, Chaz Ramsey and Raven Gray made the allegations in an episode of the show airing Wednesday night, March 30, 2011. (AP Photo/Brian Myrick, File)

From SteelerFan

Hey 5 at 10:

Can you explain the mechanics of a good $100 handshake? Do you mash up a bunch of 20s into a paper wad, or do you fold a crisp $100 bill into a tiny square that can be hidden between the fingers and discreetly passed from giver to taker? Also, is there any way to pass money during a fist bump? Also, is it good to use Purell after a hard day of $100 handshakes? Also, do any college programs have boosters so brazen they prefer the PacMan Jones “make-it-rain” style of cash rewards?

SteelerFan

Let's break this down, John Madden-style. Here we go.

"That's a GREAT question. What you have here is a big ol' ham-hock hand filled with cash — kinda like a big sausage, you know. OK, now you got this big ol' hand and this big ol' wad of cash and then BOOM, you make your move. That's some big-time $100 handshakin' right there. Watch it again. Right there... BOOM! I'm tellin' you, that's unbelievable Hundo Handshakin' from start to finish."

Thanks, John.

As for the techniques, the 5-at-10 believes it's a lot like tackling. There are some basics — in tackling, the fundamental approach is with your chin up and head on the outside — but in the end, the production is more important than the path.

In the case of the Hundo Handshake, you start with nothing smaller than $50s (otherwise you run the risk of becoming too bulky, and you never want to blatantly violate NCAA rules AND insult the recruit/star player — that's just bad form). Second, discretion is always the best play.

From there, the Hundo Handshake — again like tackling — is all about the outcome. If you stop a ball carrier by grabbing a hand full of ponytail hanging out of the back of his helmet or trip him up by his shoe laces or even knock him down by accident, you know what they call that? You betcha, it's a tackle.

Same with the Hundo Handshake. As far as personal preferences go, the 5-at-10 always suggests going with $100s. As Bond, John Bond might say, "I'll have mine folded, not wadded." Purell is a strong plus, but that's almost always the case. As for the PacMan "make-it-rain" moves, well, they teach that at the NFL rookie symposium — right after "Gold Grills: Do they count as an investment?" and "Twitter: Friend or Foe."

There is a variation of the fist-bump Hundo Handshake, but that's called a "Cash Knuckles," and that's only for graduate level students and/or expert boosters.

And if you're wondering how the 5-at-10 knows this much about Hundo Handshakes, well, we did go to Auburn, after all.

BOOM.

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    Atlanta Braves' Chipper Jones hits a three-run home run against the Detroit Tigers during a spring training game in Kissimmee, Fla. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

From assorted emails

(we had some great questions, this week gang — tip of cap to you all. So we combined a slew of baseball questions, including Bigbearzzz's "best Braves' closers" into one email)

— Why do Southern baseball fans get so jazzed about the first week of the MLB season? The last time I looked there were 162 games, rendering one game in isolation almost meaningless.

— Do you really think these Braves are going to have eight guys hit 15 or more home runs? Please.

— Who is going to win the World Series — come on man, where's the predictions other than the NL East?

— Best Braves closer, who you got?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but there's no real explanation to the over-emphasis put on the first week and Opening Day, especially for Braves fans. Maybe it's the long offseason, or maybe it's the need to have baseball and warm weather, who knows? The 5-at-10 is just as guilty as everyone else, though. (Raise your hand if you've used some form of the, "At this pace, Jason Heyward's going to hit 162 homers this year." Yeah, we did, too.)

This Braves' lineup is stacked, no doubt. The only thing that stops this group from hitting 200-plus homers (and at least flirting with every regular getting to 15) is injuries.

World Series pick: Dodgers-Yankees. Like we said, we're traditionalists.

AL division winners: Yankees, Twins, Angels (Red Sox with the wildcard)

NL division winners: Braves, Brewers, Dodgers (Phillies with the wildcard)

As for the top Braves closer, well, this is the one this week we spent too much time on, there's no doubt.

In someways, kburgess made a great point about Braves closers have not exactly warmed the hearts of Southerners for the last two decades. In fact, with the games (and possible titles) the bullpen has blown since 1991, picking a best Braves closer is somewhat akin to picking your favorite skin rash.

Anyhoo, here's a quick best-and-worst list:

Best moment: 1995, Mark Wohlers' saving Game 6 of the World Series

Worst moment: 1996, Wohlers' hanging slider that Jim Leyritz drilled for a three-run shot in Game 4 of the World Series. It turned a 6-3 lead into a 6-6 game that would become a 8-6 Yankees win which tied the Series at 2 instead of the Braves leading 3-1. Let's move along before EC passes out.

Best moment from the bad years: Gene Garber striking out Pete Rose to end Rose's 44-game hitting streak in 1978.

Best pitch: John Smoltz's slider. And it's really not that close.

Worst pitch: A tie between all of them thrown by Joe Boever, Bob Wickman and Rick Camp.

Best current trivia tidbit: Jeff Reardon got the win in Game 7 of the NLCS — Sid's Slide game, when Sid Bream beat the throw from Barry Bonds to beat the Pirates in 1992.

Best all-time trivia tidbit: Two current Hall of Famers rank in the top 20 in saves for the Braves? They are Warren Spahn and Phil Niekro, who are tied for 19th with 29 career saves.

Final answer: John Smoltz, followed closely by Wohlers (who would have been an all-timer if not for the Leyritz bomb, which forever haunted him, in our opinion).

  • photo
    Cuonzo Martin speaks during a news conference after being introduced as the new University of Tennessee men's basketball coach on Monday. Staff Photo by Patrick Smith/Chattanooga Times Free Press

From CelticVol

Good Morning Mr. 5@10,

I’m glad to have Coach Cuonzo on board at UT. I’m behind him 100%. This hire reminds me of when Mrs. C-Vol cooks a new recipe. It looks good and sounds good, but you really don’t know what you’re getting. Did you see where Dwight Howard said a couple weeks ago that crying during the regular season is not acceptable but crying in the playoffs was ok? All this talk of crying got me to thinking…Does the 5@10 ever cry after seeing his team lose?

Celtic Vol

C-Vol, welcome back, and make sure to tell Mrs. C-Vol that we think she is a wonderful cook. Have heard nothing but good things from out UT aces — Patrick Brown and Mark Wiedmer — about Cuonzo Martin, but we'll see.

Anyhoo, Dwight Howard sets a pretty good frame to work with in regard to crying. The 5-at-10 has a few sports-crying rules that we try to embrace. These are not laws mind you, and everyone is entitled to embrace the sports experience to whichever extreme they see fit.

Sports crying is acceptable (these are wins and loses, mind you):

— By a high school senior after a season-ending loss in any state playoff game;

— By any long-suffering fans (read championship drought of more than 50 years, meaning there are real concerns about ever seeing your team win a title) that finally win a championship. Red Sox fans got a pass in 2004 (but if you were crying three years later, suck it up); Cubs fans would get a pass if they could ever win it again;

— For any superstar player, who has been in their league for at least a decade and is tagged with "Can't win the big one," label, finally wins the big one. Elway's Super Bowl title comes to mind.

— After winning or losing the Masters. Period. That's a life-changer;

— By any long-suffering fans (and even long-in-the-tooth superstars) that lose in the final moments of the championship-deciding game. There has to be a combination of immediate-reaction, a fear of not-knowing if your team will ever get back and pent-up frustration (plus career-emptiness for the player). Red Sox fans (and Yaz) when Bucky Dent went yard in the late 1970s is a prime example, even though that was a one-game playoff and counted as a regular-season game. Butler missing the 3-pointer last year, is another. If Jimmy Chitwood had missed that would — wait a sec, there was no way Jimmy was going to miss. Let's just move on;

— When a player is inducted into the Hall of Fame. Let it rip gents;

— When a loss translates into significant, life-altering financial setbacks. This is not a good thing.

This is a working list, so it's in transition. And know if any of these things happen, crying may be acceptable, but it's not encouraged. The 5-at-10 has not shed a sports tear since our high school hoops career ended — unless you count stupid "Rudy," when he gets accepted into Notre Dame and he's sitting on the bench and he breaks down and you can see... excuse us... Be back in a second.

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    Virginia Commonwealth fans cheer their team as they leave for the Final Four NCAA basketball tournament in Richmond, Va., Wednesday, March 30, 2011. (AP Photo/Steve Helber)

From ElJefe

Great googly moogly, this NCAA tournament is crazy! My guess is the only person with any hope of winning “the brackets” is some woman who grew up in Connecticut; is a super- Fan of Ashley Judd; attended VCU undergrad and Butler grad school. She was roped into the “office pool” because she wanted the “guys” to think she was cool but was embarrassed when they all collectively mocked her bracket. Now she's going to cash in big time. Who do you like this weekend?

ElJefe

ElJefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? Sorry, bad "Three Amigos" reference.

Your theory holds as much ground as any. Did you see that two people out of the 5.9 million that entered the ESPN bracket thing had the complete Final Four. One guy was leading the entire field; the other entry was not even in the top 6,300. Excuse me? How in the name of Jay Bilas' House Cat can you get this Final Four completely correct and still not crack the top 6,000? Madness indeed.

Anyhoo, let's wrap this puppy up in a never-been-done before 5-at-10 2-in-10 (Two NCAA semifinal picks in 10 words or less).

Butler vs. VCU: Butler's been before; VCU's never been better. Rams too tough.

Kentucky vs. UConn: Kemba and the Jets crash land; Wild Big Blue yonder.

Until Monday.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

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Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
Eustice_Chase said...

Glad to see I wasn't the only person to say "At this rate Heyward will hit 162 HR's" Way to go Freddie G in your Atlanta Braves Debut..kudos to Don Mattingly, who has the largest nostrals in MLB history.

I feel when transporting large sums of money via handshake, it is best to do the "Mid-20 Slap-back" which is usually when a Mid 20's male is affraid to show his true feelings by giving double armed bear hug. Instead they shake with the right hand and use the other Arm to embrace and give a back slap. This gives ample time to transfer money securely. You never want the money to be dropped!

Thank you 5@10, best 5@10 since I have been Regular 5@10 Reader!

April 1, 2011 at 10:43 a.m.
jayrock2004 said...

I can't be the only one who thinks the NCAA is hypocritical. It is wrong to accept $100 handhshakes. No doubt about it. Its against the rules. But how is it ok for administrators and athletic directors, and the like, to accept gifts and "free getaways" from these bowl games. If a "student athlete" showed up on one of these getaways, they would kick him off the island. This is so sickening. If players are not supposed to get extra benefits because they are good players, then why should the administrators get extra benefits on their behalf. This makes me so upset. Its like eating a 5 course meal in front of a starving homeless man, and telling him "here's a piece of bread and some water". I know athletes get "free room and board, books, and an education," but how is that proper compensation compared to what these coaches, atletic directors, and admin guys are getting?

April 1, 2011 at 11 a.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

I couldnt agree more, how do you say No to student athletes but yes to your corporate execs who except gifts in any and all forms and run $12k Bills at your local Gentleman's Club? Its a shame that a game as great as college football has to be swirling around with as much controversay as crude oil prices. Sheesh!!!

April 1, 2011 at 11:13 a.m.
jayrock2004 said...

My point exactly! If the player's can't benefit, no one should benefits. It reminds me of the parents of children who become superstars. It would be like the parents telling their child or teenager to go on tour, and perform at clubs and events and sold-out stadiums,etc. Then when the check comes, the parent says, you are an "amateur" and can't receive extra benefits beyond room and board, and food. Then the parent is getting, not only all the revenue, but the extra perks, like "getaways", and the strip club stuff. What a "travesShamMockery"... (travesty, sham, mockery).

April 1, 2011 at 11:30 a.m.
jgreeson said...

EC —

Thanks for the kind words. We enjoyed writing today's 5-at-10. Love your money handshake idea. We'll call it the 20-20s, and you're spot by reinforcing rule No. 1: "You never want the money to be dropped."

Jayrock2004 —

The system is broken, but paying football players is not the answer. If you pay football players, you're going to have to pay every other student-athlete, and from there, you'll bankrupt all but about 50 college athletic programs. The greed and corruption at the top must change, too. The hand-wringing over some player accepting a free meal — which not that long ago was a pretty good-sized NCAA violation — seems about as important as a speeding ticket and about as current as a four-channel black-and-white TV set, huh?

— 5-at-10

April 1, 2011 at 11:35 a.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

Paying Players would never be the answer, but there has to be some consistency in the rules, for the players, coaches, scouts, parents, and anyone else involved.... So I say we talk about Baseball, it is Opening Day 2 after all... will this be better than the original? What's the over under on another Catcher hitting a walk-off 3-run blast?

April 1, 2011 at 11:38 a.m.
bigbearzzz said...

I WOULD LIKE TO START OFF TODAY BY FIRST SAYING...OWWWWWWWW....THE STING.....AND THATS ALL IM GOING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. NEXT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT IM ALL FOR THE PARENTS OF THESE CHILDREN TO RECEIVE MONETARY COMPENSATION INTSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES AND I WOULD HAVE NO ISSUES OF TAKING A 20/20 SHAKE, SEEING AS HOW I HAVE TEENS AND IM ABOUT TO FORK OUT ROUGHLY THE COST OF A MOUNTAIN SHADOWS HOME TO PAY FOR MY CHILDRENS COLLEGE EDUCATION!!! I WOULDNT MIND GETTING SOME OF THAT BACK....JUS SAYIN...YEAH I KNOW ITS WRONG TO PAY THE ATHLETES..BUT IS IT EQUALLY WRONG TO HELP THE PARENTS COMPENSATE FOR SACRIFICING THEIR LAST BORN FOR THE SAKE OF THE FIRST BORN?!

April 1, 2011 at 11:50 a.m.
jayrock2004 said...

Right. I agree that paying players is not the answer. I just hate to see those at the top profiting so much off of the players and then enforce petty rules that the players can't have any benefit from their status as famous players. But yeah, its a problem that can be discussed till the cows come home, because it's not changing any time soon. As for baseball... Even tho i am a casual baseball fan, i must say the braves look pretty good this year.

April 1, 2011 at 12:08 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Don’t do what, good sir? And no April Fool’s Day goes by without a cringe from me and the specter of mad cows landing at rural airstrip. Good heavens. For what it’s worth, BIspy4’s old man got a little misty eyed on Edgar Renteria’s comebacker to Keith Foulke in October 2004. We shook hands and then he went to break the news to Bispy4’s mother that the curse was over. Then again, the old man used to have someone hold him by his feet from a sixth story window so he could listen to Teddy Ballgame’s at-bats on a radio perched on a window ledge two floors below. So there is that. And what was a boy to do this morning? “Say Anything” on Bravo. The E! True Hollywood Story of “Saved by the Bell.” Decisions. Decisions. When you getting to the Masters picks, big fella?

April 1, 2011 at 1:36 p.m.
jgreeson said...

EC — Concur about celebrating Opening Day, Part Deux. Let's enjoy it. As for the counting on catchers hitting three-run bombs, well, that's like counting on getting an actual person on the first try when you call Comcast. Fat chance.

OsoGrandeee/Polar Gump (that's all I got to say about that) — No more mention of Kemba "Sky" Walker. It's done. College educations are not cheap, that's for sure — in fact, if they had had the Hope when I graduated high school, I would have gone to UGA or some other in-Georgia school, just for financial reasons. Those soaring costs, though, make athletic scholarships even more valuable. Something else that needs to be changed is the fact that these kids almost never can get jobs — both because of time-restraints and/or the appearance of improper benefits from the employers. That means these kids have zero walking around money, and that can be especially tough. They need to put some folks smarter than the 5-at-10 on this.

Jayrock — "TravesShamMockery" is a great word. That will be making some regular stops around these parts in coming days. And do you think McCauley Caulkin is somewhere shaking his head about all this "explotation talk" and having people cash in on the efforts of others? The "Home Alone" star, who was at his best in "Uncle Buck" and went off the deep end before turning 21, had something like 8 figures (i.e. tens of millions of dollars) wasted by his parents/reps/guardians. And you're right, the hand-wringing feels somewhat empty right now. Alas.

BIspy4 — Masters picks will be in Tuesday's 5-at-10. Those special baseball memories for our parents' generation are almost like family treasures, you know? As for your dilemma, here's hoping you went with the "Saved by the Bell" special. Kelly and Zac, Mario and the chick from "Showgirls," Lisa and pre-adult films Screech — plus Mr Belding's a Chattanoogan for Goodness Sake's.

As for baseball season, don't know if any of you guys know this or not, but at this pace, the Braves are going to go 162-0. That'll win the East, right?

— 5-at-10

April 1, 2011 at 1:46 p.m.
wcole777 said...

Paying the players = probably a bad idea with not a lot of upsides. Paying the coaches mega $ for successful programs = rampant corruption and more hand shaking, fist bumping, hand-shake-hugging action than anyone could ever know. I know it's cliche, but what ever happened to that great old saying, "for the love of the game?"

And by the way, I hope the 5 at 10 starts next week off right with some serious MASTERS TALK!!! With Tiger's swing still not quite together and Dill Pickleson's ever present pooping of the pants when things start to look good it should be and interesting week...

April 1, 2011 at 2:12 p.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

What I have never understood about Saved By The Bell is there one season that didnt include Jessi Spanno and Kelly Kaposky. Instead it had Tory...no thanks, Ill take my Jessi & Kelly Episodes easily over you Tory!

The Charlie Sheenanators are racking up fantasy points with Roy "Doc" Halladay on the mound...dealing straight nastiness to those Houston Astros!!!

I'd like to do a throw back topic, worst former players turned anchors...Aaron Boone ( Brother of Bret son of Bob) you're in their pal...its like listening to a 3rd grader explain his decison making skills for his Pet Rock Collection...

Thank you for the Dill Pickelson's refernece !

April 1, 2011 at 2:19 p.m.
kburgess1013 said...

Thank you for the warm welcome to the 5-at-10 fan base! I feel embarrassed but when I posted my comment last night I incorrectly asserted that the Brave's 1996 season was the magical one where they won it all. Forgive me and thank you for the subtle correction. Also, please let me know when the Times Free Press is offering one of these magic men who dispense hundos from their fingertips as a contest prize. My S.O. and could really use one of those around the house. In fact there is a perfect spot for a human ATM right beside the garage door.

April 1, 2011 at 2:25 p.m.
bigbearzzz said...

KEMBA IS DEAD TO ME NOW....NOT EVEN A PET CEMETARY COULD BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE. AS FAR AS SAVED BY THE BELL, KELLY, PERIOD. I'D WALK THE GREEN MILE FOR HER. AND YES IM TAKIN THE STAND AS WELL REGARDING IT, THE MASTERS THAT IS. ALMOST EXCITED ABOUT IT AS I AM OPENING DAY! WILL ELIZABETH BERKLEY EVER BE KNOWN FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN "SHOWGIRLS""!?!?!

April 1, 2011 at 2:31 p.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

Only to those who havent seen "Showgirls" ...what a movie! Well Seeing how everyone else is excited about the Masters...I suppose I will be too. But there is to much going on this weekend for me to be thinking about a Green Jacket just yet..but I do think I will need to Watch some Happy Gilmore in the next day or two! ...Jimmer won PLayer of the Year..who woulda thought?!?!

April 1, 2011 at 2:37 p.m.
wcole777 said...

@EC You are most welcome for the Dill Pickleson reference. I've had that one in the bag for years now.

April 1, 2011 at 3:19 p.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

I will use it from this day Forward, but I will make sure to use proper MLA Citation

April 1, 2011 at 3:34 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

But ... but ... but ... kickboxing. Sport of the future.

April 1, 2011 at 3:36 p.m.
jgreeson said...

EC — "Showgirls" won the Best Pitcure Oscar in 1994 or '95? We get them mixed up here at the 5-at-10 headquarters. And Holy Joe Morgan's Exempt Status, there is no doubt we'll explore the worst Jocks-turned-commentators when things slow down a little.

Oso — Don't be bitter. It was the 5-at-10's decision; Kemba was only being Kemba. It didn't help Ms Berkley's career, either, that her most recent movie role was a "working girl" in "Any Given Sunday."

Kburg — The current budget is a little thin for TFP-sponsored, household-specific human ATMs. Alas.

WC-triple7s — Dill Pickleson, well played. That nickname will have a home here, sir. The 5-at-10 will be on Masters-overload starting Monday and Tuesday. We'll be opening a 5-at-10 satellite office in the greater-Augusta area from Wednesday afternoon on, but rest easy folks, the 5-at-10 will not miss a beat.

As for the golfer formerly known as Tiger, well, this will be the first time in more than a decade, if the 5-at-10 was offered the bet, "Who you want at Augusta, Woods or the field?" that we'd take the field. C'mon Eldrick, get it together. Golf needs you to be in it on Sundays again.

— 5-at-10

April 1, 2011 at 3:41 p.m.
Eustice_Chase said...

I love how there was no mention of Barry Bonds in today's mailbag!

April 1, 2011 at 3:57 p.m.
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