published Friday, May 3rd, 2013

5-at-10: Mailbag with bad horse names, LeBron beats MJ and our morning goal

Before we get to the Friday Mailbag, we offer a shout out to Uptown Hugh Brown, who we met last night at T-Ball and who offered the clear 5-at-10 high sign of "Don't cost nothin'" in between innings. Well-played, sir, well-played indeed.

Let's try to plow through as many of these as possible, and feel free to chime in where you feel comfortable.

From the "Talks too much" studios, Spalding, get your foot off the boat.

From scole023

Did you get my horse entry thing? You know I like to win stuff.

How about a contest were your readers send in some athlete's name and you have to use it in a sentence as a verb? Like Derek Jeter for example.

Thanks for the 5-at-10... and you still talk too much.

Scole023 —

Always good to hear from you and yes, we got your entry. (Complete list later today, and there's still time if you want to enter the Kentucky Derby — first in, last in contest where you pick the winner and the horse that finishes dead last.)

And dude, you know we're always up for anything semi-goofy that can be done while kicking back a Co-Cola.

Jeter, huh? OK, here are two — one in sports and one in everyday life.

Sports — Say a point guard on the other team had like two points, but no turnovers and drew five charges and made almost every little play possible. After the game, the coach could completely say, "Man, that kid Jetered us all night."

Life — Since Jeter has courted some of the A-list talent from all walks of life, let's say one of your buddies is making a play (or pitching woo, for 9er and Spy) and some slick guy slides in and says three sentences, picks up everyone's check and makes his way to car with a half-crooked smile on his face and the girl on his arm, it is completely fair for your buddy to say, "Dude, I got so Jetered."

Great question.


From SteelerFan

Since you asked, what are your top rejected horse names. Here's my top 10 for 2013:

  1. Pole Dancer
  2. Hacking Cough
  3. Nappy Nag
  4. Pistol Whipped
  5. Inhaler
  6. Foxy Apoxie
  7. Hammer Toe
  8. Snot Rag
  9. Spectacular Skid
  10. Gate Crasher

SteelerFan —

We love these lists — and Foxy Apoxie is way too low on your list (in fact, Nos. 6-9 are money). And before we begin, we're officially retiring GlueStick as the Secretariat of bad horse names.

Here are a few more:

  1. DFL
  2. Lead Foot
  3. Equine like a baby
  4. Pokey
  5. AirBiscuit (his brother DogBiscuit made the list last year — these are the less-than-the-pick-of-the-litter of the next next generation of the Seabiscuit line)
  6. Rusty (as in the horse that Kramer feeds the Beef-a-reeno to and then could be called by the name directly above)
  7. Stumbling B
  8. Elmer's Glory
  9. AlpoExpress
  10. The Trots (or Welcome Back Trotter)

Whatcha' got?


From Tom T.

What happened to the radio show with you and Pasqualli?

Is that still in the works or what?

Tom —

Thanks for the question. We're in discussions right now, trying to make sure our schedules fit and that we can deliver on a regular basis. It was a fun thing to do from 1-3 on ESPN radio on 105.1 with David Paschall, and we thought it sounded pretty good.

We'll say this: Hats off to guys like Quake and Cowboy and Dr. B (he's a doctor after all) on SportTalk and Jim Gumm and Wells on 105.1 FM — they make it seem easier than it is, that's for sure.

We know the couple weeks we did last month were fun, and if we had to guess we'll be back pretty soon. Just making sure it fits for everyone.

Thanks for asking.


From JordanRules

Did you really say you think LeBron would beat MJ in 1-on-1?

Wow. Do you sleep in LeBron's jersey or what? Jordan beats him 11-6 and barely breaks a sweat doing it.

I knew you talked too much. Now we know you talk crazy, too.

JordanRules —

We do not sleep in a LeBron jersey. In fact our personal rule on jerseys is very clear: After the age of 14, guys really don't need a jersey unless it is handed to you by someone you call 'Coach.'

As for the crazy talk, well, kettle meet pot, pot say hey to kettle.

We did not say LeBron was better than MJ (yet), we said he'd beat him in one-on-one. In fact, we don't think it would be that close. James is 6-8, 265 and ripped. Jordan was 6-6, and a lean 220. Jordan would need a court order, a semi-automatic and enough hugs to keep Ari Gold smiling for a week to keep LeBron from the rim. Plus, LeBron's a better defender than MJ.

As for the other stuff, well, "a;hdfasjdfhas;ldkfjasahjadfhsd;" Now that's some crazy talk.


From Chris

  • photo
    The SEC Network is scheduled to launch in August 2014. (Times-Free Press photo illustration)

How big a deal is the SEC Network? All the league have one — or will eventually, right.

Thanks and love the 5-at-10s.


Feel free to swing by anytime. As of right now, it still don't cost nothin'.

The SEC Network is a game-changer for college sports because unlike the Big Ten Network or the Longhorn Network or whatever else, the planning behind this is better and the reach is going to be awesome. It has ESPN's backing, which means it will be tens of millions of homes from Day 1.

As our SEC ace David Paschall reported today, the backing of ESPN makes this a slam dunk from the start. Plus, with 45 football games on the schedule, the programming is better than expected. By waiting — the SEC toyed with the Network idea in 2008 — the league gets to be better form the start because of the growing pains of those other ventures.

Not only that, this will only make the rich richer. Mike Slive is a rainmaker.


From OrangeFan5

I've been reading the 5-at-10 for a while and I have been wanting to ask a question.

So here's this one: I'm starting to believe in Butch Jones. I was skeptical at first, especially after Strong said no, but it really looks like we're moving in the right direction.

What do you think?

OrangeFan —

Thanks for reading and feel free to pull up a seat.

We think Jones has best and most emphatically answered the biggest question we had about him and his staff: Can he recruit on an elite SEC level? The answer appears to be Heck Yea. (Capital letters added for emphasis.)

The 2014 recruiting class that Jones and Co. are assembling has the look of being a potential program changer. Sure it's a long way until signing day, and there are going to be some bumps in the road this fall. Still, for a Tennessee program and a Johnny Vols Fanbase that has longed for something to feel good about, Jones has delivered.

We'll have more on this, but yes, OrangeFan5, Butch Jones has given you nothing but a reason to believe he is turning things toward the light in the 865.


From Jefe

You know, there are times I read your column and think, "Man, that Greeson guy, how'd he ever win 8?" It's a miracle.

Then there are times that I read this nickle-and-dimer and think, "Man, I'd like a sandwich."

What's your first thought when you sit down to write this thing? And, if you would allow an aging Auburn grad just one more, what's your favorite 5-at-10 contest?

Jefe —

For you kind sir, anything. Well, we can't help you with the sammich right now, but two questions — you betcha. And War Eagle.

When we sit down, we try to be funny. That's hard stuff. Writing funny is a chore, because you can't rely on timing or gesture or tone. You can be funny in real life but your writing could read like a grocery list. If we can make a reader laugh once a column, we're happy with that. If we get more, then that's just gravy.

Writing funny is made doubly hard because when you miss, you really, Really, REALLY miss. Funny writing can be the most entertaining, but non-funny attempts at writing funny is no doubt the worst. It's the Dan Struggla of writing styles. (And yes, we know he hit a homer last night, still. Still. Dude would miss water with an oar... Too High Dan, TOOOOO HIGH.)

We also try to make sure we cover the most important story from the night before or on the horizon for that day.

So in truth, we don't think, Meat, we just type. Just give 'em the gas. Brew the coffee, make a chocolate milk for the lil' 5-at-10 and a bottle for the princess 5-at-10 and get cracking. It's pretty glamorous, right?

As for our favorite contest, well, we like them all for different reasons. The bowl contest had a lot of folks, and the most recent Masters contest may have had a record number of entries with right around 60. The Derby contest gives us a vested interest in a great spectacle. (We're looking about taking the Mrs. next year. Don't tell her though, we want it to be a surprise.)

Speaking of that, we'll post the Derby entries later this afternoon, we need to go make more coffee.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
TNBuck said...

Derby winner - ReVOLutionary Derby Loser - Charming Kitten

No puns intended (when I picked them), but I'll take the Vols over the Cats Alex.

May 3, 2013 at 10:59 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...


Some pretty vanilla letters on the box but quite honestly that might be a good thing given the events this week.

-Hords of people would disagree with you (including myself) about the jersey thing but to each his own.

-Butch appears to have passed the recruitment test with flying colors but the real test will be in September (looking forward to it).

I guess my main topic dejour has to do with I-Man's (Not Tony Stark but the other one) big announcement that the SoCon is bringing back VMI, ETSU, and adding Mercer. Apparently the 12 point buck that was Kennasaw State is heckbent on jumping immediately to FBS land so they can be the SEC's "shower boy" for the next 10 years.

So be it.

Unfortunately, this is not going to bold well with Blackburn & Co. if they had hopes of doing a "Chattanooga First" PR campaign to target doners, students, and the community in general.

While UTC pretty much appears a shoe-in for Southern Conference Championships, it will not have the same "feel" without GSU or Appy in the mix. I'm sorry, it won't. That's like Tennessee winning the SEC Championship and not having to defeat Florida, Alabama, and A&M in order to do so. If anything, this may escalate the noise factor for either a move to the OVC OR the Sun Belt itself.

I hope I'm wrong, but something tells me I'm not.

Oh, before I forget, hoped you liked the clips. Also, Dallas 2.0 has been renewed for a third season. Something that even shocked the producers themselves given the "fragmated" ratings both in real-time and DVR. They literally blamed it on competing with "The Voice" and NOT WWE because who wants to admit to that? XD

May 3, 2013 at 11:16 a.m.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show StuckinKent —

The SoCon is exploring ETSU, VMI, and Mercer and it is not a done deal yet.

In football, he may be right. But a men's basketball SoCon with Samford, Mercer, and ETSU all close by, Davidson as a solid rival, and you could talk me into that the new SoCon won't be much worse off than the old SoCon. In fact, I would say that Mercer and ETSU bring more to the men's basketball table than Appalachian State and Georgia Southern. Now VMI doesn't approach CofC, but if the Mocs get back to winning with a new coach, the new SoCon may not fall any, and may jump up, even. I really don't mind ETSU, VMI, and Mercer if Davidson sticks around the SoCon.....

May 3, 2013 at 12:09 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...


Valid points. However, Davision may not stick around on the grounds they may actually believe they are the next coming when it comes to morphing into the next Kansas or Xavier or Duke (which is REALLY overexacurating, I know) but SoCon B-ball strength is not the ACC. I don't blame them for moving. They are a battle-hardened basketball program in a region where football will always be king. They pretty much have hit the peak as far as conference strength is concerned (same with UTC for the women) and want to play as contenders in more challenging fields.

May 3, 2013 at 1:20 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Besides Boxer and Clover, Good on the Grill also would be a bad name for a horse.

May 3, 2013 at 1:29 p.m.
jgreeson said...

TNBuck —

You're in.


The letters be what the letters be. That's philosophy 101 with Vanna White.

Got the headlines, thanks as always. And Yu is a bad man.

Stuck —

Football will be worse regardless of which teams the SoCon goes after.

That said, you make some fair points about the merits of each.

Spy —

Good on the Grill is nice.

How about Jockey Itch?

Or Spayed-N-Neutered?

Asthmatic Condition?

One Lung?


May 3, 2013 at 1:46 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

Nice mail bag 5, you didn't uggla that one at all.

Re the SoCon - I don't think it will matter who's in there if UTC is winning. When UT or Bama, or even Auburn beat Southwest Louisiana Jr High in football, the fans are just as happy. Win and they will come and donate.

May 3, 2013 at 2:07 p.m.
chas9 said...

Gimme Goldencents to win, Frac Daddy to bring up the rear, right behind Beetlebaum.

May 3, 2013 at 2:29 p.m.
GratefulDawg said...

So, we send in the name of any athlete and Jay will use it as a verb in a sentence? Interesting. For your consideration, I submit former Major League Baseball player Rusty Kuntz.

Thanks for taking my call, I'll hang-up and listen.

May 3, 2013 at 2:47 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Grateful —

That's too easy.

Old, worn out fence, guy looks an Boomhauer sayd, "Man, that gate is Rusty."

Thank you and good night.

May 3, 2013 at 2:56 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Limpy is also a bad horse name.

Is there any reason for Kenyon Martin to ever shoot his mouth off about anything? Did he really think dressing in black and going to the "Celtics funeral" wasn't going to get Paul Pierce and KG anything but (deleted for family interweb purposes) off?

And who is the last guy in the NBA you really want to (deleted for family interweb purposes) off? Don't know if KG is at the top of the roll, but he's in the class.

May 3, 2013 at 3:05 p.m.
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